5 Things
by Shrimpy Kay
Summary: A series of one-shots. Some fluff, some angst, some in the middle. All Chuck/Sarah. Updates will be posted when I think of ideas, sorry if that takes longer than expected.
1. 5 Things

Sorry some of them are very short, but trust me-on double spaced Microsoft Word, it's 8 full pages

This is the first time I've ever really tried fluff, I could never really get the hang of it. Please tell me how you like it, and any suggestions you have are welcome.

More details as the story goes on.

* * *

**1.** She mentioned it once, _once_, in the car as they were driving to downtown L.A. for a mission. He was talking about a character from the Sound of Music, and Sarah had replied, "Oh yeah, I haven't seen that since I was a kid" before dropping the subject.

The next day was Saturday, and she decided to have a relaxation day. At 11 A.M., her doorbell rang and still a bit tired, she'd answered the door in a large T-shirt and shorts. There was Chuck, a copy of the Sound of Music in his hand, a grin on his face.

Embarrassed by her outfit, she muttered a shy apology, but he replied, "Perfect day for pajamas. Why didn't I think of that?"

And so they had watched the Sound of Music. It was partly happy, since she relived memories of her childhood and she was with Chuck, but also sad because she missed those memories, and could not share them with anyone. After it was over, she simply said, "Again" and being Chuck, he understood.

They watched it together a total of three times before he said, "Let's not waste the whole day away."

**2. **It was a Tuesday, and for the first time in a long time, Sarah was sick. Not only could she barely stand, but her temperature was also 100.8, forcing her to stay home in bed all day. Sarah called in sick and tried to get some sleep, only getting up for water or the occasional piece of toast, if her stomach was up for it.

All was quiet until her phone rang at 4 PM. It was Chuck, and throughout his busy day, he had not realized that her car was missing. When he found out that Sarah was sick, he came straight over and tended to her every need, which wasn't much, but she enjoyed the company.

He wouldn't go home until 9 that night, when Sarah insisted that she was feeling better and that he needed some sleep. Chuck showed up at her door the next day-having taken the day off-with a tray of toast, scrambled eggs, and coffee that Ellie had helped him make. She smiled thinking of the mess they probably made in the kitchen (knowing Chuck). The two spent the day talking and by Thursday Sarah was back at the Wienerlicious.

**3.** "So you're telling me that you want me to stay up until 4 AM so that we can watch a bunch of rocks on fire?"

Chuck pouted. "Aw, come on. Please? When's the last time you've seen a meteor shower? And we both have tomorrow off."

She stared at his face for a couple of seconds, her eyebrows raised. He was trying to pull off the puppy dog look that probably hadn't worked since he was five years old.

"Please? It would mean the world to me."

She sighed. "Fine. But you owe me."

"Thanks, Sarah!" His face lit up in a grin, and she returned one just as big.

--

She was getting used to this, spending time with Chuck when it wasn't needed for their cover. When no one was looking to see that indeed, they would together. In fact, Sarah was pretty sure that absolutely no one was watching as the two quietly tiptoed out of the house as if they were children sneaking out. It was a nice summer evening, she noticed, as they walked down the street to a local park. Once there, they laid on the grass side by side staring at the sky. From 3:52 until 4:08 AM, Chuck and Sarah talked, all the while staring at the sky. What they talked about, she really couldn't say. It was random chatter, just to fill the silent night with words.

At 4:08 AM, the first shooting star shot across the sky. Sarah's breath was hitched in her throat. Soon more came, and the sky was lit with the shooting stars. It was beautiful. She had not done anything like this since early college. Back then her and her friends would sneak-well technically they were in college, and could leave anyway, but it felt more devious to say sneak-down to the beach down the street. There they would lie in the sand for hours on end, just enjoying each other's presence. God, she missed that.

And then that one time right before graduation. All of her friends-mostly they had stayed the same-gathered together on the beach for old times sake. Together they had laughed, cried, comforted, and rejoiced in each other's new lives. Sure enough, all eight of them were extremely tired in the morning for graduation, but had shared smiles as they went up to the podium, knowing that they their friendship would last a long time.

That was before the CIA had come into her life. Soon after college had ended, they had offered and Sarah had accepted. She was the only one of her friends who hadn't immediately been sucked into a job, and this new thing excited her. However, she did not know the extent of the job, and soon her contact with friends abruptly ended.

Sarah sighed. She suddenly had a yearning in her heart to return to her old life, but then she thought of Chuck. She could feel him studying her right now, not even paying attention to the bright sky, and tore her own gaze away to meet his. Chuck's eyes were soft and gentle, and Sarah realized how tired she was. She snuggled into him, and he opened his arms so that she could scoot closer. Even though she knew it was a mistake and would probably refuse to talk about it later, Sarah couldn't help but enjoy the moment.

"I'm really glad I came," she whispered as they both gazed at the meteor shower.

When he spoke, she could feel his chest vibrate against her head. "I'm glad you said yes," Chuck said softly.

They stayed in silence for the remainder of the shower of shooting stars. It wasn't that awkward silence where both parties were trying to figure out what to say. It was one of those relishing silences, like back in college.

After it was over, Chuck smiled and looked down at the blond in his arms. "How'd you like it?" he asked quietly, as though anything but near-silence would ruin the moment.

It took him a few seconds to realize that Sarah Walker was asleep, still in his arms. Chuck took the chance to listen to her calm breathing. It was better than any meteor shower.

**4. **"Chuck, go. Now!"

"No!"

The sound of gunfire rang out, and the two crouched even lower behind the large crates.

It was one of those missions gone wrong, where she ended up dodging bullets and making up crazy plans as quickly as possible, hoping that they would work.

More gunshots, but this time it was obvious that it was aimed at them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone aim their gun at them. However, it all happened too quickly for even the heavily trained CIA agent.

One second Chuck was right beside her, the next he had leapt out in front of her, using his body as a shield for the incoming bullets. They went straight toward their target, and soon blood was spilling everywhere.

Suddenly Sarah was surrounded by blood-Chuck's blood-and she was on the ground beside him, weeping.

--

"Shh…wake up. It's just a dream. Shh…"

Sarah opened her eyes a crack, noticing that her pillow and hair were wet from tears. No wonder her eyesight was blurry. And she was on the Bartowski couch…

Suddenly she remembered her dream and had to control herself not to burst into tears again. Instead she embraced Chuck, who was now holding her and running his hand over her hair, murmuring comforting words.

"It's okay. It's not real, Sarah." He thumbed away her tears and brought her closer to his chest. "What happened?"

She merely shook her head. Instead, she tried steering away from the subject. "Why…?" Sarah asked, referring to the couch she was sleeping on only moments ago.

"We just saw the meteor shower, remember? You fell asleep, so I brought you back here and I woke up to see you crying. Are you okay?" His voice was soft, and somehow soothing.

It was then when she realized the ruffled green sleeping bag next to the couch. In that moment, Sarah realized exactly how important she was to Chuck, and it scared her that he mattered to her just as much. She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "What time…?"

"Five thirty."

She nodded, trying not to look hi straight in the eyes. Then he would realize. Chuck would know how much she cared for him underneath it all, and then he wouldn't take no as an answer.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he asked, trying to maintain the eye contact it was clear she was trying not to have.

Sarah shook her head. "It was nothing. Just a bad dream."

Chuck looked at her with concern. He knew that it had to have been a pretty bad dream to make Sarah cry. He put his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him, keeping her gaze. "I hate seeing you like this. Will you tell me what's wrong?"

Sarah tried to keep her eyes down, but it was getting harder with every second. She desperately wanted to collapse into his arms right there, and cry about all of the things she had to go through. For every mission, for every friend or family member that she had to leave, for every heart that she had to break. But the unfairness of it all was that she couldn't do that, either.

"Did something happen to you in the dream?" he asked, keeping his voice slow and steady.

Sarah shook her head.

"Someone else?"

She nodded, and finally couldn't take it anymore. She looked into his eyes and he could see the emotion sitting there, waiting to be expressed after all of these years.

"Me?" he whispered, as if asking the question would be too much for her,

The dead look upon Chuck's face as he fell to the ground flashed back into her mind, and that was when she could no longer take it. She grabbed him into an embrace and began shaking in his arms, choking back a sob.

He repeatedly ran his hands over her long, golden hair, trying to comfort her. "It's okay, Sarah," he murmured. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

**5.** "Are you okay?" Chuck whispered as they dropped behind the Nerd Herd Desk. He tried to ignore the gunshots in the background and the pain in his side from when he had tripped over a stool. Instead he focused on Sarah's leg. Apparently, she had been dodging bullets when she fell the wrong way and hurt her leg.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She tried to raise herself a little, but the pain was too much and she had to drop back down. "Chuck, I need you to find Casey as quickly as possible. Run in zigzags and find him so he can protect you."

Chuck looked around helplessly. "But-but what about you? And what if I get hit?"

"Just keep running and don't look back. Here, take this." She pulled out her gun, ignoring the pain in her leg, and reached it out for his taking.

"What? No, I'm not going to leave you here unarmed!"

"You have to. They're going to find us and since I can't move form this spot right now I provide no protection." Why couldn't he just go without hesitating? Why did he always have to look out for others? It was great and all, but in the current situation Sarah could only find it irritating. "Look, you're the Intersect, I'm just an agent. Take this and find Casey. _Now._"

He looked straight into her eyes. "You know that that's not true. You're much more than just an agent, especially to me." Where had this sudden confidence come from?

She returned his hard gaze, trying to ignore what he had just said for now. It was definitely not the time. "We'll discuss this later. If you really want to help me, find Casey and I'll be safe here. Later find me. Now take this."

Chuck stared at the black metal being offered to him. He reluctantly took it.

They both knew what could happen. He could easily get shot. For all they knew someone was listening to their entire conversation and was ready to shoot whoever walked away from the desk first. And they both knew that the other one knew it.

Chuck took another look at the gun in his hands, and Sarah continued. "If anything happens, no matter what, _do not turn back_, you hear me?"

He nodded, eyes wide with fear. Then, quickly making a decision, he took a small step closer in one swift move and captured her lips in his. He tried to make it sweet, a kiss full of promise. Although he wasn't sure if it was like that, since he had never really mastered "the art of kissing".

It took a moment for Sarah to realize what had just happened, but when she did she quickly melted. It felt so natural to be in his arms, kissing him. It was a little like the kiss at the docks, but this one was less rushed. She opened her mouth to him, and ran her hands through his brown curls.

Chuck's hands combed through her hair, down her back, anywhere that he could reach while they were in a kneeling position. He needed this-he needed her. His entire body was tingling, and as her tongue enveloped his, Chuck had the chills. It was nothing like he had ever experienced, kissing her. With Jill he had had sparks, but this-well, he was disappointed when the kiss ended. They stayed in that position for a few more seconds, heads touching, just reveling in the moment.

Then he got up and ran toward the other side of the store in zigzags like Sarah had told him to do. He didn't look back.

The CIA agent conveyed her surroundings and realized that he had left her the gun. She then sighed contentedly, and touched her lips as though it would bring Chuck's back to hers.

Backup soon arrived and the danger was over. However, Sarah knew that the situation between her and Chuck had just become much more complicated.

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Feedback appreciated.


	2. Happiness

Chapter 2-Happiness

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Chuck Bartowski was a happy man.

He had a loving sister, a great best friend, an okay job, and the most beautiful girlfriend he could ever imagine. She was the highlight of his life. It had taken a while, but he had finally gotten through the a certain blonde agent, and it had now been two months and ten days since that day.

--

_After the night when Longshore was going to take him to an underground bunker _(he hated to think that everything was almost taken away from him)_, Chuck had decided. No longer would he take the "Asset-Handler" bullshit. No longer would he let the emotional rollercoaster rule his life. Chuck had decided earlier that he was going straight to Sarah's apartment after work and telling her exactly what he was thinking. _

_He was unable to hide his emotions for her anymore, and he was tired of it anyway. Lie after lie to his sister and friends, and especially to himself. If Sarah shared the same feelings, then they should do something about it instead of the constant battle going on inside of them whenever they saw each other. _

_It didn't take long to get to Sarah's apartment, and soon he was in front of her door, debating whether or not to turn back. She would probably hand him to same crap as she always did, so why try?_

_No, he had to do this. Slowly Chuck raised his hand and knocked on the wood in front of him. A few seconds later, it opened, to show a tall blonde woman wearing sweatpants and a red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. She looked surprised to see him, but at the same time she had that golden smile on her face. The one that Chuck rarely got from her, but when he did it was like the heavens opening up and answering every prayer. _

"_Chuck," she started, seeing his determined face that made him look even more like a nerd. "I didn't know you were coming by."_

"_We need to talk." Chuck let himself in and sat down on a nearby chair. He tried to keep his face serious and emotionless (to give her a piece of her own medicine), but Sarah's smile had quickly disoriented him. _

_She sat down across from him, on her bed. Sarah knew that this would soon happen sometime. Maybe it was better to face it now instead of putting it off, like she had before. Chuck was going to insist that there was something beneath the cover and want to talk. Sarah was never good at that type of stuff, talking about her feelings. It was one of the reasons the CIA had recruited her. She could keep things to herself. "Is this about last night?" she asked, then heaved a sigh. "I just…I thought I would never see you again."_

_He looked like he was about to say something, but then his face became bewildered. "But wait-didn't you say you would save me later?"_

"_Chuck, you know that that was highly unlikely. I tried to make you feel better."_

_Chuck didn't know whether to be happy that she would try to comfort him, mad that she had lied, or sad that they had come close to never seeing each other again. However, soon anger rose from his chest and he scoffed. "So you'd let me rot underground waiting everyday, hoping that maybe you'd come? I'd spend the rest of my life hoping."_

_Sarah looked down, crestfallen. She had not considered that. The thought of someone waiting for her each day and being horribly disappointed made her ashamed for what she did. Even though she helped many people, she also ruined others._

_Chuck couldn't bear to see Sarah miserable, especially when he was the one who caused it, and got up from the chair. Kneeling down, he took her hands into his and looked deep into Sarah's eyes. "I want you to tell me the truth, okay?" _

_She didn't answer._

"_Do you have feelings for me? Because I do for you, and they're not going to go away."_

"_Chuck, you know a relationship is imposs-"_

"_I'm not talking about a relationship. I asked about how you feel."_

_Sarah paused, searching his big brown eyes. Naturally, as an agent, she was able to read anyone she came in contact with. All she could see in his was compassion and honesty, along with hope. "Yes," she replied._

_Okay, he kind of knew that already. On to step two. "Look, I know that these relationships are hard, if not impossible. Strictly prohibited, maybe. But we can make it work. Please."_

"_I want to, but…"_

_The look on his face was sheer desperation. "Sarah, I've wanted this more than I can remember wanting anything before."_

_Before either of them knew it, both were tangled up in each other, trying to show their emotions through their mindless kisses. She was desperately trying to get closer to him if it was possible at all. They both landed on the bed with a thump, and Chuck broke away. "We can make this work, I promise." He kissed her again. "I'll never let you go."_

--

Their superiors had not been happy about it, but there wasn't much they could do, and Chuck had made it clear that he would refuse to cooperate without Sarah.

But there was one thing gnawing at Chuck's mind. It had been there since the start of their relationship, and maybe even before that, but it grew with each day.

Even though those two months had been amazing, and still were, Chuck could never find a time to tell Sarah he loved her. He had tried countless times, but the words just wouldn't come out. It was as if his brain was afraid of getting hurt again, like he had with Jill. He knew that Sarah was different-after all, she had gone against her job, which was her life, for him-but for some reason he still couldn't manage to get passed that choked up feeling and tell her.

It wasn't just telling Sarah, but _how_ he should tell her. He couldn't just outright say it. He felt like she the one for him-and before Sarah, Chuck had never even believed in that-and it had to be special for the one. Now that they had finally started their relationship under the cover relationship, Chuck couldn't really imagine a life without Sarah. Well, he could, but it was a life of darkness and despair. And no, he wasn't being dramatic. This was the life he wanted, with her. The only problem was that he didn't know how to tell Sarah this.

He had tried once at a picnic on the beach, at sunset. Ellie had told him that that was what most girls dreamed of. They were sitting there, eating and enjoying each other's presence, when he got ready to say it. Chuck had been mentally readying himself the entire day, and now he thought that finally his mouth would utter those words. But no, Casey had called and said that they were needed for a stakeout. The mission was a success, but Chuck's assignment was not.

Another disappointment was when they had a dinner planned. Chuck had ordered the works-roses, candles-he had even pre-ordered some of those fortune cookies with the message _I love you_ inside (yes, it was nerdy, but it was so Chuck). Unfortunately, Sarah had gotten the flu the day before, and the dinner had to be canceled.

It was one of those things that Chuck couldn't stop thinking about until he got it done. Ellie was sympathetic, but she thought that Chuck had long ago admitted his true feelings for Sarah, and was disappointed in him when he asked her (although she was ecstatic otherwise).

Finally Chuck saw the perfect opportunity. Since it didn't look like there would be any missions for a few days, he reserved a hotel room with a perfect view of the moon and the beach below it. They were outside talking, when Chuck changed the subject.

"You know," he said softly. "There's been something on my mind for a while."

"What is it?" Sarah asked with genuine interest. Chuck studied her face. Watching the light from the moon enhance her features made him hold his breath. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She was wearing a long light blue dress with a tall slit that made Chuck want to yell out to a large crowd, "This is the woman I love!"

He never knew whether he liked Sarah wearing a fancy dress or simply a T-shirt and sweatpants. When she wore something fancy, it usually meant that they were going out, and that was when Chuck felt like he was at the top of the world, all those men staring jealously at him as they walked through the doors of wherever they were going.

However, whenever Chuck thought of how finally Sarah felt comfortable enough around him to wear pajamas or something of the like made him light up in a smile, and whenever it was in front of Sarah and she would ask why he was so happy, he would just grab her close and kiss her, saying that he was happy because he was with her.

"Well," Chuck continued. "For once I'm having trouble saying something."

Sarah stopped looking at the view and looked at Chuck, amused. "I never knew that that could happen to you. I wasn't even sure you had a filter up there."

Chuck took her hands. "Around seven months ago, I was a nerd working at the Buy More who couldn't get a date. Then a Miss Sarah Walker walked into my life and changed it forever, and I'm not talking about just the Intersect.

Two and a half months ago, you and everyone I ever cared about were about to be taken away from me. You saved me from that fate, and I can never repay you. But I'm making the best of the life that you kept me from having to leave. Now I'm happier than ever.

And I haven't said this in a long time, but I realize that now it means more than it ever has before. Sarah, I love you and I think that I always will."

He looked into her eyes to see her reaction. She could never hide emotion in her eyes. Chuck used to stare at the big blue spheres and know that even though her face was emotionless, her eyes told all. Right now they were staring softly at him, taking in his words. But now that he had finally said it, the words wouldn't stop tumbling out.

"I love you because you're the most beautiful thing I've ever set eyes on, and I love that you went against everything you've ever learned for me. The CIA was your life, and you let someone like me get in and break down you walls. I love how you can look underneath the hopeless job and nerdy face, and see beneath that. I love your smile that I used to rarely see, but now lights up your face whenever I see you. I love you because there's something there that makes me feel like I never want to let you go, and I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy."

Sarah let the teardrops fall. She had never felt anything so much as she did right now. It was like she had fallen off a high building, but was suddenly grabbed from the air and saved by the hands of the man in front of her. Loving Chuck just felt right.

"Sarah," he said. "I know it's only been two months but it feels like forever. And maybe if you don't feel as strongly as me right now or you're nervous that this new thing scares you, I don't care. And I know that you've had a rough past, but I was hoping that I could help fix your bad memories." Chuck put his hand on her cheek and began stroking it, wiping away her tears. "I'll wait, as long as you're with me. You're the one."

At first Chuck thought that those were tears of joy, but now another thought struck him. "Sarah, please don't cry." He took his hand off of her cheek and stared at the balcony floor, ashamed. "I didn't mean to upset you. I shouldn't have…it's moving too fast. I understand, it's okay."

Then he felt Sarah's hands lift up his chin, making him stare directly into her tearful eyes. "Chuck Bartowski, I love you, and there's nothing you can do or say to change that. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

His face lit up in a Chuck Bartowski megawatt smile, and in one fluid motion he scooped Sarah up off of her feet. As he carried her into the hotel room, Sarah grabbed the back of his head and kissed him hungrily.

Chuck Bartowski was a _very_ happy man.

* * *

I actually got the idea for something like this from an episode of Gossip Girl. How did you like it?


	3. Broken

It took me a while to write this. I got to the middle, and then had major writer's block. I'm hoping it came out well, but I just want to know what you thought. It's my first songfic (ever). It's angsty but has a happy (and a little unrealistic) ending. You didn't just think I'd leave it sad, did you?

Broken by Lifehouse

* * *

The phone…goddamn that phone. Why was it ringing this early in the morning?

Sarah Walker slowly raised her head toward the sound. God, she was tired. Lately it had gotten harder to fall asleep at night. Instead her mind was filled with regrets, of what she had done in the past and for what she would have to do in the future. And now someone was calling her practically in the middle of the night…

She slowly took off her sleep-mask with a scowl, and quickly realized something. It was bright in her hotel room. Extremely bright, since the windows were open. But wait-that meant that it wasn't so early. Sarah checked the clock and groaned. 10:37. Since when did she wake up that late?

Remembering the still ringing phone, she picked it up and muttered out a half-hearted hello.

"Walker, secure."

Sarah quickly grabbed the phone with both hands, suddenly fully awake and alert. "Graham, sir. Do you have another assignment for me?"

"Agent Walker, it seems as though we have a problem. The Intersect is not doing so well."

Chuck. Oh God, Chuck. She had hoped to never have to hear that name again, as it brought up painful memories. Leaving him had been one of the only things she questioned about her job. It was just that she had gotten so used to his warm smile and deep brown eyes after all of those months. That had been her longest assignment, a full ten months.

Nineteen days ago he was taken to an underground bunker for safety and pronounced dead. Sarah Walker, friend of the Bartowskis and Buy More employees, was so heartbroken that she decided to move back to her hometown Washington D.C. Ellie had told her to keep in contact, but so far Chuck's sister failed to receive any news.

Although it was not her hometown, Sarah still returned to D.C. and awaited another assignment. But what she didn't expect was something that had to do with Chuck.

"What is it? Is he okay?"

"It appears that Mr. Bartowski is not willing to cooperate with us. From day one he lies in his bed and will not eat or drink anything. He lost four pounds in five days. We were forced to attach him to a tube, and although he tried to detach himself from the machine, he was severely punished and soon gave up. We're worried about his depression and refusal to eat."

Sarah stared at a wall as though seeing right through it. Somehow in the back of her mind she knew something like this would happen, but she was hoping that Chuck would get through it, like he had with Stanford.

But why would he? He'd been betrayed countless times by the people closest to him, and now it was taking its toll. All those times that Chuck had opened up to her about Bryce and Stanford, she always took pity and could not understand why someone could betray a person like Chuck; so sweet and innocent.

But now she knew, and it killed her to think that her betrayal was the worst on him. Not only was Sarah taken away from him, but Chuck's entire family was gone, along with his friends and entire life. It killed her a little more everyday to know that she did that to people, and yet she still lived on her life as though she had no care in the world.

"Bartowski has asked, demanded, pleaded to be returned to his old life. He asks to see his sister, friends, or at least to tell them the truth. You and I both know that that it impossible, but we think we can do one think to stabilize the situation. We want you to visit him, as he has asked in the past. Do whatever you can to make him cooperate with us willingly."

She wanted to. There was no way she could argue that she wanted to see him. In fact, she wanted it more than anything else in the world right now, maybe with the exception to make things right again.

But how could she do that to him? Go into his life for one more day and do something-maybe have to seduce him-to behave. No, that was something Sarah Walker would never do.

"I don't know how to say this sir, but I can't. As unprofessional as it was, I became attached to the asset. Anything I do to him will make everything worse once I leave, and I will not break down Chuck any longer. He was the most deserving of a good life, and he never got it. But at least he was happy with what he had, and now you took that away from him, too. I won't go this time."

Graham grunted, clearly stunned. Agent Walker was not one to say no. "Unfortunately, Agent Walker, you will have to do as told. We may have to find a different solution for long-term results, but for now it's the best we can do. Your plane will arrive at Ronald Regan Airport at 1:00 PM tomorrow. Be there."

Sarah listened to the click of the phone and seethed. How could they do this to her? She was still on the road to getting over Chuck, and now she had to see him all over again. She had to re-open all of his wounds and try to get him to cooperate. But he had no reason to cooperate with the people that stole his life away.

Sarah tried to control her anger but couldn't. She would have to get that hole in her wall fixed before someone took notice.

**--**

**The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight**

**Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time**

"We're sorry, Mr. Bartowski. You have to learn to control yourself. Until such notice, we'll be occupying your room to watch over you."

Chuck wanted to hurt the burly man speaking to him. He wanted to throw out every punch he had the energy to throw and kick until he was no longer conscious. Anger churned throughout his whole body. This was not the life he deserved.

Underground facility? No, it was a prison, only worse. Not even a window to look through, not even an outside breeze to remind him that fresh air existed. That other people lived.

In nineteen days, Chuck had turned from a lively and warm person to a broken man. The only thing that kept him going was that whenever he tried anything, his attempts were immediately thwarted.

Oh yes, he had tried. At first Chuck had hope, but after a few hours of thinking he realized he was being ignorant. No, he would never see the outside world again, so why live?

He'd tried running into walls headfirst, but of course his body would not kill itself that easily. Someone heard the bangs that merely caused headaches and soon Chuck was surrounded.

After the second attempt-a bang to the head against the linoleum sink-Chuck was found unconscious. Ha, that scared them all. But unfortunately he was fine, and ever since there were two large men standing at his door.

Nothing he tried work. Not eat? Stick a tube into him. Smother himself with a pillow? Now there was a guard in his room. Drown himself in a bathtub? That was stupid. His coughing was heard immediately, but Chuck couldn't come up with anything else.

He knew in the back of his mind that he wouldn't let himself be killed. Chuck was too afraid to die…he was just that kind of person. He had to trip himself to even try the blow from the sink thing.

Chuck was depressed. Depressed, broken…you couldn't recognize him now from his old life. He hadn't shaved and now had a slight beard. There were scars from the suicide attempts, and his eyes were now cold and distant.

Every few hours he went from depressed to angry. He had had a few seizures at first, and was now on pills to help stop them. Sometimes it scared him, what Chuck had become. But there was no turning back now. He was forever a changed man.

**I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts**

**I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out**

"Shut up! Shut up!" Chuck screamed. "Shut the fuck up!"

"Please, calm down."

"It won't work! Stop lying! She's never coming back!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. He became dizzy and warm, his breath ragged. But Chuck didn't care.

"Please sir, think rationally. I was told to tell you that a Miss Walker is going to come and help you. Don't make me take heavier measures to calm you down."

But he wasn't thinking rationally. Chuck hadn't been thinking rationally since the day he came to this retched place. "Get. Out. Now!"

**I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing**

**With a broken heart that's still beating**

The man stepped forward, menacingly. "Calm down, now. You don't want to hurt yourself, and you don't want me to hurt you."

They were lying, they had to be lying. Sarah left him and she was never coming back. He didn't care anymore, he just added her to the list of people who betrayed him.

No, that was a lie. He did care. But his brain didn't function properly enough to admit that. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

He collapsed on the floor, jerking this way and that. Chuck thrashed around, unable to control himself, yet not caring. His head hit something hard-the floor, and once Chuck gave himself the first blow he didn't stop. Again and again, hitting his head on the carpet, trying to reach the hard cement underneath. Faintly he heard the sounds of a man yelling, and then something sharp entering his skin.

After a few minutes, Chuck's breathing slowed and he was in his bed, being carefully watched. Giving into his exhaustion and headache, he fell asleep, the tears staining his pillow.

**In the pain there is healing**

**In your name I find meaning**

He sometimes thought about her. Never on purpose, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. When Chuck did think about Sarah, it was usually of how she betrayed him, let him be taken away from his life. He was angry, he was sad.

Really he just wanted her back.

It was easy to realize that Sarah Walker was a memory. He would never see the woman again. The love he felt for her was still real, but it was hidden behind the painful feelings, the thoughts that agonized him each and every night when he couldn't fall asleep. He couldn't help imagine the things that feared him most. That everything with Sarah had been fake, that she was laughing at him right now for ever believing that someone like her could fall for a nerd like him.

So when someone told him that she was coming back, he didn't believe it. Chuck became angry that someone would toy with his mind like that. Why cause him any more suffering? Was this a game to them? See who can make the little Bartowski kid the most upset?

At first his hope that Sarah would come save him took up most of his brain. Now that hope had deteriorated into what was now just a wish, like something you would think about while blowing out your candles at your birthday party.

**So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on**

**I'm barely holdin' on to you**

He was angry at the guards. No, he was always angry at the guards. This time he was in a rage. One of them said that he should clean himself up for Sarah, since she would be coming.

"Would you shut the fuck up already?! Stop lying, it won't make me any better!"

"Mr. Bartowski, you need to—"

"I hate you! I hate all your lies! Shut up and LEAVE ME ALONE!" He took the closest thing to him-a handheld clock-and threw it at the guard. The man dodged it and threateningly walked up to Chuck.

"That is _enough_, Mr. Bartowski." He grabbed Chuck's wrist with force. "I'm through with you, and I'm through with your shit. You will listen to me or you will have a lot _more_ pain in your life."

Chuck tried shaking the man's hand off but was unsuccessful. The other guard just stared at the two, and finally he couldn't take it anymore. Who cared if he got hurt? He'd purposefully hurt himself before, so why would it matter if it was someone's else's doing?

He kicked the man in the groin and felt satisfaction when the guard let go of Chuck's wrist and bent over in pain. But before he could do anymore damage, the other guard grabbed him and Chuck threw blind punches. All he felt was air, but he kept trying.

By now both guards had had enough. They threw him onto the bed, held him there and demanded that he keep still. Chuck, defeated, stared at the ceiling with a dead look in his eyes.

**The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head**

**I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead**

**I still see your reflection inside of my eyes**

**That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life**

Sarah looked through a crack in the door. She saw Chuck, fighting with two other men.

Chuck.

The sight of him made her breath hitch in her throat. All of the emotions that she had tried to suppress were now bubbling back to the surface. The heartbreak, the sadness, the worry…

But in that same moment Sarah realized something was wrong. His face…it was covered in scars. Oh God, what had they been doing to him? And his eyes…they were distant. He threw a clock at the man in front of him, but was soon overpowered. What was he thinking, trying to fight men like that? That wasn't the Chuck she knew.

Of course. She knew it would be hard on him, but she never imagined this. He was like a monster.

Once he was in a calmer position, she stepped into the room. "Chuck…"

His eyes flickered over to her and suddenly everything stopped.

**I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing**

**With a broken heart that's still beating**

"Sarah," he whispered. No, it couldn't be her. She left him forever, which meant she would never return.

"Chuck, it's me." Her pale, blue eyes were now glossy. "I didn't know…"

She was at a loss for words, and instead ran over to him and embraced him. Chuck laid there, unmoving. Sarah stood back, confused.

He was overwhelmed. Was it really her? It must be…but why would she come? He was overjoyed. Sarah came to save him! He could go back to his older life now. He was suddenly full of energy. He felt…alive. "You came. I didn't…I thought I was here forever."

Sarah's face fell. So she wasn't here to save him. Happiness turned into anger. She left him, but she couldn't just betray him and leave it at that. She had to reopen all of his wounds and crush him again.

"What do you want?" he asked heatedly. "Did you come here just to say hi? Well great, I'm not doing so well. Let me guess…you wanted to tell me that everything we had was fake, just so I don't misunderstand. Trust me, I know, I'm not that stupid."

"Chuck, you have every reason to be mad at me--"

"What's your point?" he interjected.

This was definitely not the Chuck she was used to, the one she'd fallen in love with. "What happened to you?"

"What, the scars?" In spite of himself, he laughed. "I guess I'd had enough of this world. Didn't work though. Your CIA buddies keep me safe and sound. Won't even let me kill myself. Or did you mean how _I've_ changed? Ha, I guess this place has that effect on you. Sometimes I even scare myself."

"How could you ever say that?" She tried to maintain control. "Did I do this to you? Oh my God, Chuck, I'm so sorry."

"Don't lie to me. At least tell me the truth now, Sarah. You don't care, you never have."

"That's not true!"

He scoffed. "Look, tell Graham that I'll be better so you don't have to come. I don't want to see you and hear all your lies."

"Do you really mean that?" Tears were spilling down Sarah's cheeks. "All that we had…Chuck, that was real. I don't know how you could think it wasn't."

He tried to become numb, but it wasn't working. Of course. All she had to do was smile and he would believe anything she said. It was like he was becoming his old self again just by talking to her. Chuck tried to remember that she would do anything to make him believe her.

"Let's say it was real. What does that mean, Sarah, huh? Are you going to leave me here again? Because I won't get better. You expect me to be happy?" His voice rose with every sentence, and he saw that everything he said took its toll on Sarah. Good, she deserved it. Suddenly all of the anger was drained out of him and the words began to get choked up in his chest, and his eyes became red. "I fell in love. Can you blame a guy? I don't deserve this, I don't…"

"Chuck, I know," she whispered. Sarah moved closer to him. Was this the right choice? It didn't matter now. She captured his lips in hers and they kissed as though they never would again. Sarah couldn't help but grab at his hair and fall onto him, onto the bed. She held his cheeks, felt his hot tears on her cheeks-or were those her tears on his? It didn't matter now, they were together, one soul.

**In the pain is there healing**

**In your name I find meaning**

His hands roamed her hair and back, resting on her waist. His mind kept telling him that this was all a trick to get him to trust her, but he didn't stop. Sarah's hands were now running through his curls, and he traced kisses on her neck,

They broke apart then, knowing that they wouldn't be able to control it if they went any longer, and there were guards in the room. However, as Sarah looked around, she noticed that the men were no longer there.

"Chuck, I also fell in love, and no matter what I try to tell myself, those feelings aren't going away. I know this might be hard to do, but I need you to trust me. I'll be back."

He nodded, although his eyes were still fearful. Sarah backed off of the bed and gave him one more lasting peck on the lips. "Oh, and Chuck? Try to be good, these people are having a hard time too."

"If you'll come back. And not just once. Sarah, I can't live without you. I need someone in my life from before. I can't go on like this, I scare myself."

"I'll see what I can do."

**So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on**

**I'm barely holdin' on to you**

It took some work, but Sarah finally convinced Graham. She told him that as much as she loved it, her body had taken as much damage as it could handle and she wanted to stop before she completely broke down. They ended up agreeing that Sarah could visit Chuck once a week with no guards for six hours. For the rest of the time she would take part in other missions; however, ones that took less work and pressue.

He was just happy that Chuck cooperated.

Sarah looked forward to these visits. No, she lived for them. It was like her past was coming back to haunt her. Sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat, reliving the murders and crimes she had committed, especially her past of hurting innocent people. What she had told Graham was starting to become true-she was breaking down. Looking back, even in those nineteen days she came extremely close to blowing her cover. Checking into the hotel, her real name had almost slipped out, which might not seem like a big deal, but in her world it was huge. She thought it was her body reaching out to the normal world she once knew, with Chuck.

She had now taken residence in an apartment in San Diego, California, so that she was closer to him. Everything was going well between to two. Chuck was turning back into the person she had known for those ten months.

**I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way**

**And I'm hanging on to the words you say **

**You said that I will be ok**

Chuck was in his bed staring at the ceiling he had gotten to know very well, his hands behind his head. Sometimes he pretended that it was the sky, and he was staring at the stars. It didn't usually work, but it gave Chuck something to look at.

He listened to Sarah. He was better now, so that now he was no longer attached to any eating machine, there were no guards in his room (only outside), and he hadn't had gotten into any large arguments in the past five days.

Five days, since she came. The realization hit right then that maybe she wasn't coming back. Maybe they thought he was cooperating now, and wouldn't let her. So should he be bad? No, that might make it worse. Chuck sighed, and depression overcame him. Sarah probably _wasn't_ coming back. She'd done what the CIA wanted, so why should they listen to her?

He had no question now that Sarah _wanted_ to come. Chuck believed her now, and that love that was hidden under anger and betrayal came back. He'd driven away the thought that the whole thing might have been a lie. But what he feared was that she wouldn't come back, and that would hurt him almost as much as it had the first time.

But two days later, there she was. They embraced, melting into each other. After "making up" the time they'd missed during that week of seeing each other, Sarah broke apart from him and rested her forehead against his.

"Six hours, once a week, no guards."

Chuck's smile lit up his face. "Six hours is just enough time."

Their lips sealed back together, and they fell onto the bed tangled in each other, leaving Chuck only the breath to say, "I've missed you."

**The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone**

**I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home**

On the second visit he asked about Ellie.

Sarah stared at his tearing-up eyes and said that she hadn't talked to his sister.

It was then that she decided to go against what she'd learned and help Chuck.

She called Ellie soon after their second visit, and said that she was sorry she hadn't kept in contact-she'd been trying to get over Chuck's death-but wanted to stay in touch with her. Ellie, crying so that Sarah could barely make out what she was saying, was just happy to hear from her again. Since Graham mentioned that it was a slow week, she hopped on a plane to see her…how could she explain Ellie as anything else but a sister?

They'd collapsed together sobbing on the couch. Ellie for her brother's death, and Sarah because telling Ellie would make things much harder, and Chuck was stuck down there forever.

**I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing**

**With a broken heart that's still beating**

**In the pain there is healing**

**In your name I find meaning**

Sarah agreed to give him weekly updates about Ellie, Devon, Morgan and everyone. The only problem was that she couldn't let Graham know, which made it hard to come up with excuses as to why Ellie shouldn't visit Sarah in San Diego (Sarah told her that she'd moved because she missed California, but didn't want to be too close to everything).

Sarah quickly became close friends with everyone again. Sometimes they would all be sitting together, when suddenly there was silence, except for the occasional sniff or sob.

Ellie and Devon had decided to get married after all-it was what Chuck would want. It would take a little longer to get everything ready, but the wedding was back on.

When Chuck heard this, he was overjoyed, but Sarah could see the pain in his eyes. He wouldn't be able to attend his own sister's wedding.

A month later, she cried when Ellie was at the alter. She looked so beautiful, and it hurt that Sarah could probably never get married, and neither could Chuck. Sarah was even bridesmaid, and delivered a speech on her behalf. Graham knew where she was, Sarah told him, but despite his warnings she was here.

**So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on**

**I'm barely holdin' on to you**

By now Sarah visited three times a week, and the only guards in the hallway were at the corners, in case of any emergencies. Chuck was allowed out once a week to a nearby park (although he was guarded and severely punished if he tried anything), and chose that day to be with Sarah. It was the only time they were together and had guards watching.

He tried to escape the first time he was let out, but as Sarah watched, he was tackled to the ground before he could get three feet.

They were staring at the stars one night when Chuck realized that despite his situation, he was lucky. He had the love of his life, a slight connection to before, and now that there were no guards, life was easier. Out of the blue, he asked her, despite not having a ring.

And Sarah said yes.

They convinced Graham. The danger had passed by, and now they could live together in a CIA apartment building that was guarded from the outside. Both had to change their appearances, but they could now live among the outside world (although there was always a guard on sight). Sarah became an analyst so that she didn't have to leave on random assignments.

The only time Sarah ever took her ring off was when she occasionally visited Ellie. It hurt her that she got to be so happy with Chuck, while his sister still mourned his fake death. Despite what she wanted, Sarah couldn't ever tell Ellie that he was alive. The most she could do was say that she had dreams of Chuck communicating to her. Ellie took all she could get that reminded her of her brother.

It definitely wasn't the perfect life, but Sarah was surprised at how lenient Graham was to them. Normally once you were underground, you were there forever. Maybe he was pleasantly surprised that Chuck completely cooperated when he was with Sarah.

Three years ago, if you had told Sarah that she would be married and living with an asset, she would laugh. Things like that didn't happen in the CIA, and besides, she would never let herself fall for the asset.

But things had always been different with Chuck.

**I'm holdin' on**

**I'm holdin' on**

**I'm barely holdin' on to you**

--

From the writer's point of view: eh, it's a little choppy

From the reader's point of view: ??


	4. Wedding

This chapter was kind of hard because I've never been to a wedding before. All I have is TV and movies...but I hope you like it. It's a little shorter than usual, but less dialogue.

* * *

There she was.

Chuck's breath got hitched in his throat. God was she beautiful. No, she was always beautiful. But now…now she was stunning, gorgeous…there weren't even any words to describe it. She filled up his thoughts, every bit of his mind. The flowing white dress fit her perfectly. Perfect like this day, the day he was going to marry Sarah Walker.

He could've been thinking about how every man's eyes were glued to the beauty walking down the aisle, jealous as could be. Although maybe with the exception of Devon, and John Casey, who surprisingly came. If Bryce were here, he would probably be the worst, although he would try to get past it and be happy for Chuck. And Chuck, being Bryce's only friend, would understand completely and not rub anything in.

Or he could've been thinking of how the wedding was going. Were people having a good time? Was something going wrong? How was the food? What if it rained? What if someone tried to hurt them? What if someone noticed the men nearly invisible in the background, who were there to make sure nothing bad happened?

He also could've even thought about how fortunate everything had gone. The weather was beautiful…they decided to have it on the Santa Monica Beach, where Chuck first realized how much his life was going to change once Sarah walked into his life. Well, Casey too. It was the moment that Chuck thought he had no chance with Sarah, but promised himself that he would try anyway. And now he was here.

The palm trees were swaying slightly in the breeze, adding to the magical effect. It was not too hot, nor cold, but somewhere in the seventy's. The sky was clear and free of clouds, the sun bright and shining.

But no. All Chuck thought about was the woman coming down that white sheet of whatever it was, Sarah's niece Samantha taking the rear, lightly tossing flowers this way and that. He was so lucky, that he found someone like her. That she shared the same feelings. That she quit her job, her everything for ten years, for _him._ That she said yes. That she agreed to invite her family, who she hadn't seen in so long. That she was his.

His hands were becoming a little sweaty, and Chuck rubbed them on his black pants. He was wearing the normal black tux and tie plus white shirt, although what no one besides him, Sarah, and Morgan knew was that he'd had a Call of Duty logo sewed on the inside of his suit. If Ellie knew, she'd have had a fit. Contrary to what he thought, Sarah loved the idea and convinced his unsure mind to do it. It was so Chuck, according to her.

He looked nervously at his sister, who had just walked down the aisle herself as a bridesmaid. It wasn't that long ago that Devon and Ellie got married, and Sarah had been where Ellie was now.

She smiled at him reassuringly, the little bump on her stomach just big enough to be noticed, then looked back at Sarah. He followed her gaze and was soon again transfixed on the blond in front of him. Their eyes locked through the light clothed veil and stayed put, the love completely visible in each other's eyes.

This was one of those times you always remember, and dive down into those emotions you feel, trying to hold on to them. Like your first kiss, like walking around in an empty house and getting lost in the silence, like having a final moment with all of your friends before they all separate and feeling all of the love that came with growing up with them. It was pure magic, the full love that Chuck felt for Sarah right then. It was so deep and complex that even the smartest and most experienced person could not explain, yet so simple that even the youngest child could understand what it was. Chuck felt as though all of his wishes could come true right then, even the stupidest ones like how Hogwarts could be real (he'd had a stage in his late teenage years), or that his mom had never left them and was here right now. But that didn't matter much now, because Ellie and all of his friends were his family, and they were right next to him.

And Sarah was about to become family too, by law. The smile on her face lit up the entire beach, if not the world. What he would have done to get that kind of smile a few months ago…

She got up to the front and Chuck took her hands in his. He didn't bother to look at anyone else. All he could see was Sarah, and the rest was a blur. His eyes were beginning to well up with tears, and he could see the little droplets running down his soon to be wife's face. It took every ounce of determination not to kiss away those tears, even though they were of happiness.

Somewhere in the background Chuck could hear the priest talking. When he realized the words were directed to him, he quickly snapped out of his daze.

"…Take Sarah Lisa Walker to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health; for rich or for poor; until death do not part?"

Chuck searched Sarah's eyes. It wasn't her real name, Jennifer Lisa Rotham, but they'd both decided that they knew each other as Sarah and Chuck, and they'd have it no other way. But it was a big step, leaving behind your real name (and Sarah's real family knew of the situation). "I do."

"And do you, Sarah Lisa Walker, take Charles Irving Bartowski to be your lawfully wedded husband? Through sickness and health…"

Chuck tuned him out again, and only took his eyes off Sarah's to stare at her lips mouths those words. I do. What a huge difference those two syllables made. From fiancé to spouse in that one second that it takes to say it. Never had Chuck been so amazed at how the simplest things changed everything. But then again, it only took a few minutes for Chuck to understand how different his life would be because of the Intersect.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Why was this so nerve racking? It was a kiss, one kiss. He'd done it so many times before. Chuck slowly lifted the veil back from Sarah's face and leaned it. Cupping her cheeks, he captured her lips with his.

It was sweet and promising, but not over the top. There was no tongue, no rush, no nothing besides tenderness and love. Their faces were wet from the tears of joy, and after it was over Chuck wiped both of their faces off with his sleeve. Sneaking one more peck in, they looked to the audience made up of friends and family.

* * *

A while later, after all of the congratulations and toasts, it was time for the first dance. Chuck led Sarah by the hand to an imaginary dance floor in the sand. He looked at her adoringly and they began swaying to I'll Stand By You by Pretenders. Chuck's hands were wrapped around her waist, while Sarah's were hooked in the crooks of his arms, reaching up to his shoulder, her head on his shoulders.

Towards the end of the song, Sarah looked up and Chuck swore that everything else disappeared for that moment. It was them and the beautiful day and no one else. Her blue cobalt eyes were extra bright today and he couldn't help but get lost in them.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I know. And that's why I love you just as much," she softly replied.

Chuck closed the distance between them just as it was the last notes of the song. Every kiss brought that feeling…the tingle, the chill running down his back, and that feeling of happiness in his heart. He had never believed in true love more than right at that moment. It was a gift from God, this piece of heaven. He sighed contentedly as they parted.

After a few more minutes of dancing, Chuck said, "I have to go talk to Ellie."

Sarah nodded, her face in a huge smile.

"Afterward we'll go talk to your family, okay?" He squeezed her hand for reassurance. "Together."

Her smile faltered a little, but then grew into an even bigger one than before. Chuck turned from her and quickly spotted his sister through the crowd. She was with Devon, and embraced Chuck as he came by, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, sis. I love you, you know."

"Of course I do. You're my brother, Chuck. You'll have me forever."

They shared a smile before Ellie changed the subject. "Why aren't you with Sarah? It's your wedding!"

"I had to talk to my sister…and brother." He put his hand up for a 'pound it' but wasn't surprised when Devon enveloped them all in a hug.

"Hey little bro."

"Captain Awesome."

Devon laughed. "I think that I'm more in a Devon mood."

"Aw, I was just getting the hang of Captain."

"Don't worry, you can always call me that. So what are you and Sarah doing about the house?"

"We're still looking but we think we found one. But we want to keep the old one as a vacation house. Sarah pulled some strings, so it won't cost anything for whatever house we buy."

Both nodded. They had already been told about Sarah being in the CIA, and accepted that.

"And what about the Morgan door?" Ellie asked.

"Oh, we'll have that. Just…it will have a lock at certain times."

All three shared a laugh.

"You'd best get back to your _wife_, Chuckie boy," Devon said.

Chuck grinned at the word wife. Sarah was married to him. There was no man as happy as him right now, no man as lucky to have a wife quite like Sarah. She was so beautiful, inside and out. And he got to wake up to see her face every morning, first thing. Yes, they had been living together before, but now it would be different. They would be _married_.

* * *

Chuck slowly opened his eyes to the sunlight streaming in. There she was, right next to him. He breathed in her scent and stared at her sleeping, her chest moving up and down with every breath. Sarah's blond hair was streaming everywhere, but Chuck couldn't see her face as it was buried in the crook of his neck. Her arm was slung over him, his arms wrapped around her. He listened to her slow breathing, in and out, in and out, and began stroking her hair.

Sarah stirred and began to wake up. She looked up, her eyes still tired from sleeping, and they gazed at each other for a few minutes. His hair was messed up as usual, and she began to run her hands through it. He stared at her lovingly.

"Morning sunshine."


	5. There's No Denying

Not trying to copy, outdo or anything frompen2paper's fic Denial(it's amazing, check it out), although I probably was inspired by it. This chapter is dedicated to my friend's dad and another friend/neighbor who both passed away Friday night (and to all their friends and family even though none will ever read this)

Oh, and this chapter proves that there's a reason that this is rated hard T…sexual content

--

Deny. One word, two syllables. One second to say it, one millisecond to do the act.

Sarah was used to denying. She'd done it her entire life.

When her dad died at age five, she denied it. Daddy was still there, he just didn't come home anymore after work because there was too much of it, and people only felt sorry for her because she lost her favorite doll, Missy.

When Sarah was ten and turned back around to tell her seven-yr-old sister to keep up and she wasn't there, she denied it. No matter what the news said about kidnapping and found near the river, Sarah said that she would come back; they'd found the wrong girl blindfolded and shot, then dumped on the ground.

When the CIA told her that her life would change drastically, Sarah denied it. She felt that finally she'd found her purpose, something that she was good at, and she was so good that they'd let her visit her family, or what was left of it. Friends would still be friends; she would still keep the numerous promises of keep in touch and visiting.

When Bryce went rogue and left her stranded with only a piece of paper stating that he was sorry but duty called, Sarah denied it. He was only away for a while, and soon would come back as her knight in shining armor, ready to take her back into his arms. Or maybe he was captured, and couldn't get back to her. She'd gone through a period in time when all she could think about was how to save Bryce, or that it was too late and he was gone.

When Chuck came along and challenged all of what Sarah had learned in the past, trying to break down her walls and get inside, and insisting that she felt the same way, Sarah denied it. Sometimes they would just finish a mission and start talking, about nothing besides his family and past. Then he'd suddenly ask her a question and they'd get in a fight, usually ending in Chuck yelling about how she always denied her feelings for him and asking why couldn't she open up to him.

Truth be told, she had no clue.

It was something in the back of her mind, something there that told her that he was an enemy. That once he got inside and made her feel cozy and protected, he would throw that all away, pack up, and leave Sarah to deny the fact that she ever loved him.

Right from the start, she denied him. On the very first "date", he was cute, charming, and funny. Maybe, she though, just maybe…

No, she quickly denied herself. That wasn't the talk of someone who was CIA, trained to seduce men at the snap of a finger and then kill them. He had information that she needed, and she always was up for the challenge, even if it meant removing some articles of clothing.

But Chuck had always been different. There was something about him…he never listened, but Sarah had never even thought about seducing him into listening, unless it was immediately followed with shame that she even thought about that.

In the spy world, it was so easy to deny. All you had to do was think of how the other person was your target, your opponent; they were the people going against what you believed in.

But Chuck was a civilian and she just couldn't think of him as an enemy. He never asked to be the Intersect, but he still took on the challenge with surprising tolerance. The only time he'd really freaked out was when his sister tried helping the man who was poisoned. His first thoughts were about those around him, especially Ellie, and if any of the spy world threatened those people, Chuck was ready for action. He even tried to save his sister and kill himself.

Graham had always liked that Sarah was able to keep her emotions under control. He would compliment her on it, saying that it immensely helped with the job, even though it was very hard for some people. She used to love these few words of praise. The head of the CIA telling you that you were doing a good job was _definitely_ something to brag about. However, last time he said this-after Bryce came in for a visit-Sarah just felt like a child who was being praised for not eating dessert first when in fact they'd stolen cookies. She knew by then that she'd fallen for Chuck, but still denied it. When he wanted to talk about the kiss-and asked whether it was him, or just his lips she kissed-Sarah wouldn't let him pass through to see her inner battle.

But that was the thing about Chuck. No matter what, he always kept trying. He was persistent, stubborn…she loved and hated him for it. Sarah's professional side told her that it was annoying that he wouldn't stop trying to figure out the real Sarah, well technically, Samantha Roylen, but he didn't know that. When they got into those pesky little arguments, it was the professional side of her that made her deny Chuck and not run into his arms so that they could finally be together. However, when she was alone, the emotional, other Sarah made her want to weep. It was so unfair, this life. So many rules, so many things you regret, but at the same time you're helping you're country. How could something so good be so hard? But that was it-the idea of the CIA was good, maybe not it itself. When she was in this emotional state, it was when she didn't deny him. Sarah would lie in her bed, staring at the ceiling, and realize that for the first time in her life she could not deny the love that he kept giving her, and the love that she returned but tried to hide. But whenever she saw those curls and big brown eyes, her professional side just took over. There were only a few exceptions, like at the docks and on the rooftop.

It was during one of these emotional moments after a fight when Sarah was on her bed, letting the tears fall. It was then that she heard the knock at the door, thinking that it was probably the maid or something. Right now she didn't care and merely ignored the sounds. But the knocking didn't stop, and she heard a faint, "Hello?"

No, not now. She was too emotional right now…she might make a mistake. Just ignore it, she thought. Wiping the tears off of her face, Sarah's elbow accidentally knocked over the alarm clock beside her. _Damnit._

"Sarah, I know you're in there. Look, I'm sorry. I brought your purse; you left it in the car. Can I just give it to you?"

She heard the doorknob being turned side to side, then Chuck adding, "You're going to have to unlock this door."

Oh no. Her purse, she hadn't even noticed it was gone until now. What if he had looked in it? She had a picture of her family in there, and if he found it then that would be too much. And on the back of the picture, in sloppy yet still readable handwriting, there were the names of each member in the picture.

She wiped the tears and looked in the mirror, making sure that he couldn't tell that she'd been crying. But maybe deep down she really hoped that he would notice her previously tear streaked face, so that he had a reason to comfort her. Sarah unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Instead of holding a pizza, Chuck was standing there with a brown purse in his hands. She must have grabbed it too quickly, or maybe it was just the way she was looking at him or something, because Chuck asked, "Is something wrong?"

Sarah looked up into his searching eyes. Even though two hours ago they were yelling at each other, right now his eyes only held curiosity and worry. "Um…don't worry, I didn't look in the purse, if that's what you're worried about."

Sarah stopped. He probably knew that there must be something in there, so why didn't he look?

_Because he cares more about how you would feel about it._

Usually the combination of Chuck standing there and a thought about them together would cause Sarah's professional side to take over, shoving him away and denying everything they'd ever had or would have. But this time…it just didn't, which was a surprise. For some reason, she was denying the thought of denying him.

"Sarah, tell me…what's wrong. Don't try to hide the fact that you were crying just now…it's written all over your face. Did I do this? Sarah, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just…this whole thing, I'm not used to it."

Chuck put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the pair of white Converse shoes on his feet. "Maybe…maybe I should just give up. You're always gonna' be in the CIA, and me? Well I'm either a hopeless nerd or I'm the Intersect, probably underground or something…"

He sighed. "I always knew you were too good to be true. But I hoped…maybe it was like a movie. A weird, sci-fi movie, but still, there's usually a good ending to those, right? But I was only fooling myself. It's like…I want us to work out because I know that we would be great together but then the thought that you can't always be in my life angers me, and I can only direct that at you. Casey would just strangle me if I said one word to him…"

Sarah mirrored the slight smile that appeared on his face when saying the last comment. "I'm no good at saying how I feel. I can hide my emotions just fine, but…when it comes time to talk about them, I'm lost."

Chuck stared into her cobalt eyes, and Sarah into his brown ones. "I'll help," he said.

It was like a promise. Like saying he would always be there for her. She didn't think she was overanalyzing his words, although it was possible. But his smile seemed so genuine. He cared for her so much, she knew that. What would happen if she had to go? Would she leave just for him? The CIA was so dependable. It was always there, always the same thing, _maybe_ with a few exceptions (like this assignment). But there was no guarantee about Chuck. Every new level in their relationship would include twist and turns, things she wasn't used, things that all of her training hadn't quite prepared her for.

"Um…" Sarah started. "Well, I'm good at denying. I've done it all my life." She paused and audibly gulped. "But with you…it gets harder all the time to deny things. I can't just forget about you and move on. It's like nothing I've experienced before."

Chuck shifted his foot to his left side, and then his right, looking as though he was debating something. Finally he rested in the middle and spoke. "I think…I think maybe you're in love."

He looked at her questioningly, as if hoping it were true. Her eyes began to tear, but she blinked them away.

_Say no,_ the professional side that had just appeared said. _Right now. He could ruin you, your entire career. This is easy, Sarah. Just do it. Deny it._

The moment Sarah's mind said the word deny, she gave in. She was tired of denying everything. Her father was dead, and so was her little sister. The CIA took away most of her life and would never give it back. Eight years of pain, of giving up herself for her country. She'd done so well…but maybe it time for a change. The decision came so suddenly that Sarah was almost knocked off her feet. She was going to leave the CIA.

Not now, of course, she still had her job to do. To protect Chuck. But sometime in the future…the closer future than she had anticipated beforehand.

Everything in her life had been fake. Fake identities, fake emotions…but this, here, with him, it felt real. And this feeling, this realization that it was real, was enough to light her face in a smile. "I think I do…love you."

Chuck came forward and touched their foreheads together. She stared intently into his eyes, waiting for a response. His eyes were warm and inviting. "I love you too," he said. "And I'm never going to let you go. And if I go underground…"

"I think I'll come with you."

Chuck jerked back in surprise and ran his hands through his curls. "No, Sarah, don't do that. Don't end your life up here…"

"Chuck, I've never really had a life up here. It's been mostly fake…my real family sees me, what? Every few years? I'm tired the lies…if being real means going underground, well then I'm happy to oblige."

"I can't believe that you would do that…but I could never live with myself."

Realizing that this would probably lead to some unwanted feelings, Sarah stood on her tiptoes so that her lips were nearly touching Chuck's ear. "Let's not think about that right now, okay?"

She felt him shiver at her words and was amazed that one human could do that to another. Sarah felt herself being lifted and their lips touched. It was a million times better than anything Graham could ever say.

He wasn't forceful like Bryce's kisses were, but more tentative. Sarah replied back with passion, and soon her legs were wrapped around his waist and Chuck staggered back before catching himself with his other foot. Their tongues were having a war, switching from his mouth to hers, while she gripped his curls strongly with both hands, his hands roaming through her hair and over her back, never resting on one place. They were pushing against each other, trying to get closer. He groaned her name and she could feel him getting aroused, pushing against her. Sarah answered back by rolling her hips around and returning the groan, which was followed by a moan. Neither noticed how hot the room was getting as they fell back against Sarah's couch, Chuck tugging at her shirt. She wanted him, she wanted him so badly…but she didn't want to move too fast. Sarah gave his lips a few more pecks before pulling away. Chuck removed his hands from her butt and used them to tuck Sarah's hair back behind her ear. Both were now in an embrace trying to catch their breath.

They didn't need words to express how they were feeling, but Chuck still remarked, "That was amazing."

Sarah smiled up at him, reaching up to flick the curl on his right temple. "I'm tired of denying everything that could make me feel normal for the first time in years."

"I'm glad…I was about ready to give up. It was hard, getting rejected time after time."

"Well I'm glad you never gave up. It's so great to finally admit it…I love you."

Chuck laughed. "There's no denying that."


	6. Lost And Found

Well, here's chapter 6...I imagine it being connected to Chapter 4, Wedding (such original titles, right?), but you can imagine whatever you want

--

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…Chuck paced back and forth in their room, rubbing his temples. This wasn't happening. Back and forth, back and forth in front of the TV. He sighed, trying to figure out a way out of this.

He'd lost the ring. Goddamnit, how could he lose it? He was so close, so close to proposing, and then assuming she said yes, they would live happily ever after. Yes, currently they were living 'happily ever after' and whatnot, but Chuck wanted it to be permanent, to be written down by law. He wanted to see her in that white dress, looking as beautiful as ever, and say the words 'I do.' All he had to do was find the ring.

Let's see…he had it this morning, and at work (Chuck was now a program designer for major companies) because, well, he just liked carrying it around. Then sometime between the end of the meeting and after going out to dinner, he lost it.

Damnit. That was no regular ring. That was his Grandma Rosa's ring. When Chuck was in his junior year at Stanford, his grandmother got sick. It was the last visit he'd had with her when she took off the ring on her finger. Weakly she stated that she didn't have much time left. She said to take the ring and when he found that special girl, give it to her. Chuck protested, but in the end, he took the ring from his grandmother and promised to keep it safe. Three days later, she died in her sleep.

He remembered her funeral like it was yesterday. Tear streaked Ellie beside him, his father taking the other side with a look of determination not to cry for his mother's death, but you could see his lip quivering. The entire time that Chuck stood there, he fingered the velvet box he'd bought in his pocket, the ring inside. He felt as though it was Grandma Rosa's dying wish, and he would not disappoint.

He had thought it was Jill. Jill, his college sweetheart who he was going to propose to…she was so beautiful, so nice, so…perfect. But then she cheated on him with Bryce. His best friend and his girlfriend, how ironic. It took all of his willpower to get up and move on with his life. Chuck returned home after being kicked out of Stanford to live with his sister, the ring kept safely in the corner of his bottom drawer.

And then he met Sarah. The mere sight of her blew him away. It didn't take long for Chuck to be head over heels for the blonde agent, and ever since that kiss…he could never stop thinking about her. Something was there when he'd kissed her. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on to name, but it was something similar to Jill. With Jill it was a spark, something that would ignite passion and energy. When Chuck kissed Sarah, it as a tingling feeling that crept and took over his entire body. And it didn't disappear. Whenever they held hands, there was that jolt. Whenever they brushed against each other, there were chills. Whenever they made love, it was like there was a visible line of love between their eyes, and a feeling that Chuck couldn't even explain to himself. Jill didn't even compare. He knew it was cheesy, but it was true.

He wasn't quite sure when he decided that he wanted to marry Sarah. Whenever he imagined children, they always had her golden hair or azure eyes. But it was a while before he imagined the white dress, the honeymoon, and the whole marriage by law. And he'd been planning, waiting for the perfect time to ask.

And now he'd lost the ring. Damnit. He was planning to propose tonight, in front of the full moon. But reaching his hand into the suit pocket for the fifth time, it still wasn't there. When could it have fallen out?

Chuck continued pacing. He went through every place, every movement…still nothing. Meeting, drive home, some…activities, change into dinner outfit and switch ring into pocket…okay, so he definitely had it then. Then drive to the restaurant, eat, drive to beach, sit at beach, drive home, and now…no ring. Chuck sighed, not hearing the door open from the bathroom.

"Chuck, are you okay?" Sarah asked in that small towel, drying her hair with another one. But he was too worried about the ring to think about her wearing so little. She seemed to notice this, too, and came over to where Chuck was pacing. Placing her hands on his shoulders to try and calm him down, Sarah asked what was going on.

"Nothing, I'm just a little…busy with work and everything."

"Can I help?" Sarah sat down on the edge of their bed, concerned. Work must really be taking a toll on him. Was it something at that meeting he had today? But no, everything had been fine during dinner. Studying his face, Sarah quickly realized that he was lying. Chuck was a terrible liar, he always had been. He'd gotten better at his poker face, but as he got better at hiding his emotions, Sarah got better at reading them. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to leave him be or press the subject. Deciding on the former, she told him that she was there when he wanted to talk and began to get dressed into something more comfortable.

Chuck forced himself to calm down so that Sarah wouldn't notice anything too much out of place and sat down on the corner of the bed where she was a moment ago.

She rummaged through her sweats drawer, but felt as if something were missing. Sarah was no longer a field agent, but that didn't mean that she wasn't aware of her surroundings. "Hm…" Jacket. Her blue jacket that was still inside the car. She didn't need it now, but otherwise that thought that it wasn't right next to her would gnaw at her throughout the night. "I left my jacket in the car."

"Do you need me to get it?" Chuck asked. Maybe it was in the car, but then again, when had he done anything but sit down? He couldn't clearly remember the car rides because there was something else on his mind.

"No, it's fine. I'll get it." Sarah finished getting dressed, grabbed the car keys, and walked out the door.

Okay, Chuck thought, back to the ring. He searched all of his drawers and the floor in case he dropped it while getting ready for the dinner. Nothing. He groaned. Where could it be? He would never forgive himself for losing that ring. Was it at the restaurant, maybe? Yes, probably. He would call in the morning. A voice in his head tried to reassure Chuck. _It's okay, you'll find it. There's nothing you can do tonight. _

He stayed in his suit, but lied down in his bed. Picking up the book beside him, he began reading. However, he wasn't really paying attention. His mind was still on the ring. Five minutes later, he was still on the same paragraph, and starting to wonder where Sarah was.

It wasn't long before she came through the door.

Chuck knew something was wrong the moment he saw her. Her eyes were misty, a confused look on her face. She was trembling slightly, and Chuck quickly put the book down. "Sarah…?"

But then he saw what she was holding. A black velvet box, small enough to fit inside his palm. But it wasn't the box that was important; it was what was inside of it. Oh no. A scene came back to him. Sarah dropping her cell phone in the car and Chuck reaching down to get it. It must've fallen out then. But how was he supposed to explain this now?

Chuck moved swiftly and was soon opening his arms toward Sarah so that he could hold her. But she moved away. Sarah looked up at him, the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips, or was he imagining that? She held out the box, and Chuck took it without a word.

Sarah had checked through the window and seeing that her jacket wasn't on the seat, she had to climb in and search. It didn't take long to see that her jacket had fallen into the backseat and when she grabbed it, she felt something hard. A black velvet box, with a ring inside.

There was a silence between them. Chuck was relieved that he now had the box in his hands, but he wasn't sure if now was the time to give her the ring inside. There was no way out of this situation. He wanted it to be special, not Sarah finding it in the car and his asking. No, he wanted to sweep her off of her feet, make her remember the moment for the rest of her life. But then again, he couldn't just put it away and try again later. He stared down at the case in his hands with disappointment and anger. Chuck blamed himself. He was so angry with himself that he let this happen, he almost wanted to cry. But what was done was done now, and Chuck stood there debating whether or not to look up. He half expected to look up and see disappointment in her eyes, too. But then he felt her hand cupping his cheek, felt that jolt, and looked up to her loving and empathetic eyes staring back at him.

"For me?" she asked softly. Well of course it was for her. But that meant…he was going to propose. Sarah felt her heart flutter. The prospect of marrying Chuck always seemed so weird and far away, but now it all felt so real, and she knew that she would say yes. She always imagined being and living with Chuck, both madly in love, so the idea of making it legal was just adding in some vows and saying 'I do.' But now that he had the ring in his hands, she realized how much more it was. It wasn't just the fact that she could say she was married, it was the whole thing. Planning the color, worrying about deserts, having an emotional breakdown because there's a rip in her dress, standing at that alter while Chuck took her hands and promised her the world…she wanted it all, every single experience that came with getting married. To Chuck. The one who made her realize that the CIA was not all there was to life, the one who made her want so much more, to raise a family and the whole deal. The one who loved her fully and would always be there for her, the one who's family already accepted her as their own. He was the one who she realized she could not live without.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't want you to…I…I wanted it to be special." He forced his head away from her soft hand and looked down once again.

In one swift motion, Sarah closed in on him and gathered him into an embrace, her head resting on his shoulder. "Chuck, I love you, and nothing can change that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and this changes nothing."

"But…" his voice cracked. "I…I wanted to propose to you under the stars, when you least expected it. I just…it was my Grandma Rosa's ring, she gave it to me before she died…she said give it to the one who's special, so I wanted to make it a special night."

There was such disappointment in his voice. Sarah hated that it rubbed off on her, the sadness that he felt. He was so good to her, always wanting to make her feel special. And she did. Sarah didn't need him to surprise her with the ring (well he had but he hadn't meant to) to make the night perfect. She was with the man she loved, and that made it perfect, no matter what happened. It pained her that he was so upset and disheartened. She looked up into his eyes, the moonlight coming from the window illuminating the brown spheres and causing them to almost glow. "This _is_ a special night. It's with you. And if it takes you proposing under the moon to make you feel that way, go ahead."

"But…it's a little different." But then he noticed her eyes staring into his. So blue, so beautiful. He had never known anyone with such great eyes. Ellie's were nice, being grayish blue, but Sarah's eyes always had that distinct color that drove him crazy. Sometimes they were like Ellie's only a bit lighter. At other times, especially when she was upset or angry, they became a darker and deeper blue. And then the sun…oh how he loved seeing Sarah Walker's eyes in the sun. They were a dazzling cobalt blue, and reminded him of the ocean. Right now they were a light blue, azure, and filled with emotions of sadness, hope, and happiness, all at the same time. It was when Chuck saw Sarah's eyes that he knew exactly what to do.

Leading a giggling Sarah by the arm like a giddy child, Chuck brought her over to the apartment balcony. He enveloped her with his arms and they stared at the almost full moon. Periodically both would tear their gaze away from the night sky to look at each other, the stars and moonlight shining off both of their faces. It was a while before either of them spoke.

"Well, are you going to ask me?"

"Nope," Chuck said with a grin.

Sarah looked up from being cuddled in his chest and searched his eyes, a confused look on her face.

"When you least expect it," he answered her stare.

She smiled a little, then returned her head to that cozy spot under his chin. He swayed them to invisible music until both were so tired that they could no longer stand, and then went to bed. They fell asleep in their favorites places, each other's arms.

--

Sarah woke up groggily, the sun hitting her face like a flashlight. They really should've closed the blinds on the large window, but there was nothing either could do about it now. Feeling an emptiness, she realized that Chuck was nowhere in sight, but was relieved to hear the sound of a coffee maker coming from the kitchen.

Chuck came in a few seconds later, a tray of eggs and toast in hand. "Good morning," he said with a smile.

Sarah returned the grin and gladly accepted the food. However, when she reached out a hand to grab it, she noticed something. There! On the finger on her left hand was a ring. She shrieked, completely forgetting about her empty stomach. It was weird. She had been completely expecting the proposal, but somehow this took her by surprise.

He set the food down on the table beside him, grinning like a fool. He had definitely taken her by surprise. And he was glad. The disappointment from last night was gone, instead replaced with an excitement for what was to come later. Getting down on one knee and taking her hand, Chuck recited the words. "Sarah, will you marry me?"

"Yes!"

It was Chuck's turn to be taken by surprise when she smashed their lips together with such a passion that he froze. He quickly got over it and melted into her like always, every second sending another jolt of electricity throughout his body. As their tongues met, the tingling feeling spread and stayed there until the kiss was done.

They parted, leaving both smiling at each other while Chuck's hand still cupped her cheek. Sarah's eyes only left his to glance at the ring on her finger, which gave her another jolt of exhilaration. She could imagine the shriek from the phone when Ellie found out, the "Awesome" from Devon, the grunt from Casey that really meant congratulations. She could imagine being married, asking Chuck's sister to be a bridesmaid, setting the date. She could imagine inviting her mom, stepfather, and brother to the wedding and seeing them for the first time in years. She could imagine Chuck and her swaying to whatever song they picked for the first dance, then riding away to their honeymoon. They definitely had some planning to do…

Chuck pushed all of those thoughts away from her mind as he captured his lips with hers again. That was when Sarah realized that she was engaged, engaged to Chuck Bartowski. Which made her…

"Sarah Bartowski," she said as they pulled away from each other to take a breath. "I like it."

--

I like it to, I wish they'd get married on the show...but that would have to mean that the show is ending so nevermind, don't get married...yet


	7. Not Really According To Plan

A few things before you start reading:

This chapter is dedicated to **Shoosh**, whose idea this was completely. I just wrote it.

I stole a quote from the montage, NBC please don't come after me, I'm saying that I don't own it. If you've seen it, you'll recognize it (I tweaked the last part a little, though).

--

Running a hand through his hair, Chuck sighed yet again. Today had not been a good day. First, some man came in asking if his computer could be fixed. Chuck, curious, asked what happened. The man replied sheepishly that he was trying to send a file to a friend, but it wouldn't work, so in frustration he'd thrown it on the floor.

"Well how big was the file?" Chuck asked.

"About 79 MB."

He cocked his head to the side and looked at the customer, wondering why America was getting stupider and stupider. Turns out he had to get a new laptop, which angered the guy even more.

And then later Jeff and Lester thought it would be funny to put a video camera in the girls bathroom lounge and connect it to the wall. Big Mike nearly had a heart attack when he saw.

But then, finally, it was lunch break. As bad as his day was, there was always something that made him feel better. Chuck was just about to go over to Wienerlicious to visit his _girlfriend_-the mere word brought a smile to his face-when Sarah came through those automatic glass doors in her frilly skirt, walking over saucily to the counter where Chuck was getting up from to go meet her. He looked at her in awe. So far they'd been dating for real for five and a half months. It started when one day when Chuck stumbled on Sarah crying in her apartment after a fight, and he'd convinced her to give their relationship a chance.

He rose, smiling down at her, and she gave him a quick peck on the lips. Pulling back, they took one look into each other's eyes and came back together. Even over the counter, Chuck's long arms pulled her in close, both of Sarah's hands grabbing at his hair. She groaned, wanting to get closer. Just as she was about to jump up on the counter, Lester called out for them to get a room. The two pulled apart, and looked around shamefully at the crowd of Buy More employees staring at them.

"So," Chuck started to get rid of the awkward moment. "Why did you come _here?_"

She smiled and pulled his hand toward the break room. The men in the store stared jealous eyed, thinking that he was about to get lucky, but Chuck knew the truth. He sighed, thinking of how just when he was starting to forget about the CIA, it would jump back at him. Another mission, of course, where he would probably have to watch Sarah flirt shamelessly with another man.

Casey was already there, eyeing their interlocked hands with a scowl. Sarah looked at Chuck with an apologetic face and dropped his hand. He sighed again, thinking of what a bad day it was so far, except for the kiss. A few seconds later, Beckman and Graham appeared on the screen, looking serious as usual. Did they _ever_ smile?

They held up a picture of a man with shoulder length brown hair, like Bryce. Chuck immediately flashed and found about a man named Islav Vertisko, a rich drug dealer who had friends in high places. Graham told them that he would be staying at the Omni Los Angeles, at California Plaza, and wanted Chuck and Sarah to go as a couple and Casey as a waiter (to which he scowled and grumbled almost inaudibly). There they would bug his room and form a plan. They were not to "take him down", Beckman instructed. He had too many connections, and soon would be home free, plus expecting another attack.

The fact that Sarah wouldn't have to seduce anyone greatly brightened up his day. Even though Chuck had to deal with three more customers who legally shouldn't own anything technical, he was actually starting to look forward to this assignment. He and Sarah got to share a room, act like themselves, _and_ there was barely any risk of danger. Yup, this was the easiest mission ever.

--

They were watching _The Wedding Crashers_, Sarah leaning into him, both of his arms around her and one intertwined with her hand. Chuck flinched as the football hit Jeremy yet again, causing him to fall to the ground. Sarah, noticing this, merely laughed and proceeded to reach a hand back and play with his hair. It was so soft, and the perfect length. She became mesmerized, even stopped paying attention the to the movie. Only Chuck's voice brought her out of her trance.

"Are you having fun?" he asked with an amused smile.

"Yes," she replied simply. She stopped suddenly, and looked up at him. "What do you think of the mission?"

"I think it'll be easy. We can just act like ourselves."

Sarah nodded. "Hopefully." She then returned to playing with his curls.

Chuck nuzzled her neck. "You know, that's kind of distracting me from seeing Isla Fisher straddling Vince Vaughn."

Sarah rolled her eyes and proceeded to straddle him, causing his gaze to slip away from the television screen. "Better?"

"You're blocking the TV." But he didn't tear his gaze away from her eyes. When she didn't move-thankfully-he added, "Well just please don't do the hair flippy thing on me…or pour alcohol on my cuts."

"Oh shut up and kiss me already."

--

Chuck was staring up at the ceiling, mindlessly running his hand through Sarah's hair. She was lying down, her head on his bare chest. "I love you so much," he breathed.

She mumbled in appreciation, her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Sarah opened her eyes groggily, sat up and looked at the man in front of her. "I love you too."

"So you're glad now that I stumbled on you crying that one night?"

She rose up, exposing her body, and breathed the word "Extremely" on Chuck's neck. Lightly grabbing his chin, she kissed him deeply. Starting out slowly and slowly rising with passion, she was soon lying on top of him.

He pulled away slowly, eyes still closed. "Didn't we just do this?"

Sarah smiled. "Twice. Do you have a problem with that?"

He rolled over so that she was underneath him. "Not at all."

--

"Sarah, have you ever thought of…you know what, never mind."

She took a napkin and wiped away the trail of milk running down her chin, took another spoonful of Corn Pops, and then asked, "What?"

"Have you ever thought of, y'know, kids?"

For some reason this didn't seem to faze her. "Yes," she replied honestly.

"Really?" Chuck asked, surprised by her reaction.

Setting the spoon down in the bowl, Sarah looked him hard in the eyes. "Yes, Chuck, I have. I've imagined a little girl with curly blond hair, and deep brown eyes. I've imagined a boy with your curls and my eyes taking his first steps. I've imagined us reassuring them that their first day of school would be fun, and that we would be right back there when the day was over."

She leaned over the table and wiped away some milk that had somehow gotten on his cheek, all the while nonchalant. "Why, have you?"

Chuck stared at her in awe. "Every time I look at you," he whispered.

--

Straightening Chuck's tie and patting it down, Sarah climbed out the car door, leading him by the hand. "Remember, this is information only, so once the bugs are in place, we can just enjoy our stay here."

He nodded, for the first time completely calm on a mission. Come on, the only reason he was there was to listen to the bugs and see if he flashed on anything. And if needed be, it was recorded anyway, so him and Sarah could take a break for a while. Another plus was that this Islav guy _must_ sleep sometime, so it wasn't like they had to pull an all-nighter. As they got inside, Sarah mentioned that she had to go to the bathroom, leaving Chuck to stare mesmerized at the lobby. He sat down in the check-in area, taking a turn to stare at the blue and green carpet under his feet, the glass windows showing into a room full of plans, the staircase that looked so fancy that Chuck felt as though he didn't deserve to be in this hotel, with the kind of payroll he got….

"Sir, are you okay?"

Chuck turned toward the man behind the check-in counter. "Yes, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend."

He turned back to take in the beauty of the hotel, but controlled his facial expressions. Charles Carmichael was used to this sort of stuff. Within a few seconds of talking to the man, his phone rang. Casey. Walking over to a corner of the room, he answered.

"Hello?"

"Bartowski. You in?"

"Yes, Casey. It's not like I had to sneak in or anything. What about you, where are you?"

"Finishing parking your car." It was clear by his voice that he was not happy about being a worker, while Chuck and Sarah got to enjoy the hotel as guests. "Anyway, we have a problem."

He had the urge to audibly gulp. "Problem?"

"It seems that last minute, Vertisko changed his room, so we're going to have to do a little tweaking, since the room you guys got is on the other side of the hotel. Mine is closer, but not as much as I'd like it to be. I was able to change mine last minute, so I'm down the hall, but I can't change more than that, since there will be questions."

"So what do you want me to do?"

There was silence at the other end. "The only open room near Vertisko is the newly-engaged couples suite."

"What?" Chuck hissed.

"Sometime tonight, you're going to have to propose. Well, fake-propose…I don't give a damn. Make a show out of it, get people's attention. Find a way to get that room."

"Casey, do you realize what you're saying? You want me to fake-propose to my real girlfriend? Do you know how complicated this makes things?"

"Sarah is an agent. She knows what you have to do for a mission, I guarantee that she'll understand."

"Yeah, well what about me?"

"Just shut up and do it before I shove your head up some poor guy's ass." _Click._

"Shit." He put the phone in his suit pocket-he really wasn't used to this whole five star 'always dressy' thing-and turned around to see Sarah. As much as he thought that the hotel was beautiful, it didn't even compare to her, especially when she smiled. However, right now she was definitely _not_ smiling. "Oh, hey. What took you so long?" he joked.

"I figured I mind as well…gear up. Better safe than sorry. What is it?"

He couldn't believe he was saying this, but Chuck actually didn't want to see what was under that dress. How could he explain the situation to Sarah? "Well, our situation just got a lot more complicated."

So much for an easy mission.

--

They were in the Noe Restaurant, at one of the middle tables. Sarah's hand was over Chuck's, sitting on the table. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" she asked quietly.

"That doesn't matter, does it? I'm fine. Are you?"

She nodded. "You got the ring?"

"Yup. Pocket."

"So when do you want to…?"

"Not yet. First I want to enjoy the view."

Sarah smiled. "Chuck, we're in the middle of a room. What view?"

"You."

Despite the fact that they had been dating seriously for a long time now, a blush still rose to her cheeks. "Thank you."

He used his other hand to eat a bite of…well, he wasn't quite sure what it was. Something fancy. But it was definitely good. He was lying about the ring being inside his pocket. He'd realized that he really did want to marry Sarah. Chuck always knew it, but now that the concept of proposing came up, he knew that it was time. He loved Sarah more than anything else in the world, and he wanted this to be perfect, to be everything she'd ever dreamed of. That was why while taking a 'walk' after unpacking a few of his things, Chuck had run down to the restaurant to make some pre-arrangements, also asking-no, telling-Casey. All he had to do was wait.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, a waiter came by with a bottle of champagne and two glasses on a large platter. "Chuck, we didn't order any of this."

He gave her hand a squeeze. "I did."

The waiter stopped at their table and put the platter on the table after giving it a short spin in his hand. When it landed, there was now an open jewelry case pointed towards Sarah, a diamond ring inside. It was obvious by her eyes that she was surprised. He was sure that there were a dozen pair of eyes on them at the moment that he dropped to his knee, but then he didn't care. He took her hand and stroking it with his thumb.

"Sarah, ever since we met I've never imagined a life without you. When you finally agreed to try our relationship out, I felt like I was the luckiest guy on the planet. We've been through ups and downs, and we've survived it all. You're beautiful, you're smart, you laugh at all my stupid jokes, and you have this habit of always loving me no matter what. I mean it, Sarah. I want to wake up to see your face every morning and be able to know I can call you mine forever. I want to be able to say "This is my wife" to strangers we meet.

"So Sarah, will you marry me?" He looked at her with hopeful eyes, trying to make sure that she knew that this was real.

Sarah must've known, because her smile was huge, and there were tears streaming down her face. "Yes."

Chuck slipped the ring on her finger and stood up. Sarah threw herself into his arms, kissing him with a passion she didn't even knew existed. He lifted her up a few inches off the ground so that they were closer in height, her hands wrapped rightly around his neck. Knowing that they were still in a public place, the kiss didn't last too long and Chuck set her down before whispering into Sarah's ear.

"I mean it, Sarah. I don't care how long I have to wait, as long as I know that you'll always love me. Don't feel compelled to throw away your job life just for me."

While wiping away her tears, she whispered back, "Thank you, Chuck."

Yup, this was the best mission ever.

--

A few thinks after you're finished reading:

I actually researched the hotel, so anything description is real (although it does not have an engagement suite)

The fluffy parts are just to add to the fact that Chuck/Sarah were really a couple (instead of just saying so)


	8. He's Back

It's dark at first, but it gets better, I promise... Oh, and it may look short, but really it's over 2000 words.

Sorry I've edited this like 4 times... whenever I find a mistake I fix it, or if I feel I need to add something. But I'm sure you don't really mind.

Guess what? I got **banned **from TWoP. So until I make another one, I'm going to go rant/cry in a corner.

--

Chuck sat on his couch staring dully at the television screen, a remote in his left hand, a beer bottle in the other. Taking a swig of the alcoholic drink, he stared at the blank screen and groaned. How could he just sit there? He wanted to be on the mission, with Sarah, _him_ posing as her spouse. Instead of Bryce.

Yup, Bryce was back. Apparently he was needed for a mission to help bring down a Fulcrum agent, who was towards the top of the agency. And they'd asked for Sarah to go along with him.

Chuck was tired of it all. Why did they need Sarah? He had this nagging feeling that Bryce had specifically asked for Sarah. No, it was more than a nagging feeling. He was 99 percent sure. Taking another swig at the beer, he wondered what they were doing. He wondered how far they would have to take this little act. Knowing the two together, Chuck was scared it might be more than just an act.

Him and Sarah had been dating, for real, for a while now. This made him the happiest man in the world, but there's always been this thing in the back of his mind, reminding him that even after their first kiss, she'd gone and full on made out with her ex. What scared him most was that if Bryce ever came back, those feelings would come back, and she'd go along with him.

And now he was back. He's visited Ellie and watched a movie with her and Awesome, trying to forget about the mission that was going on right now. She stared at him all whenever she thought he wasn't looking, but he could sense his sister behind him, wondering why he was so down. Of course, he couldn't tell her, so she must figure that it was something to do with Sarah. She was right, though.

Damn, there went the rest of his bottle. That was his fourteenth beer, and it wasn't doing much to make him feel better. Usually it took quite a few drinks to knock him down, since him and Bryce regularly drunk in college. Thinking of how Bryce and him shared this made Chuck want to get another beer. He got up and walked from side to side, trying to get to the fridge. Finally getting there, he opened it and realized that they were all out. He sighed, closing the refrigerator door, and decided that maybe it was time for sleep. Maybe that would help him forget, forget about the worry of Sarah coming home to pack up her things. He began walking down the hall, but staggered and dropped to the floor, suddenly having the need to throw up. His breathing became ragged as he crawled into the bathroom and heaved into the toilet.

After crawling up to a kneel and washing out his mouth, Chuck collapsed again on the tile. He really wanted to reach his bedroom and nice, fluffy bed…

He had to crawl, all the while nauseous, to his bedroom. Then Chuck had to drag the garbage over to the bed. It was then that he realized he would need an aspirin, or multiple aspirins. But he didn't have the energy to get up again. He would deal with that in the morning, no matter how much he would regret it. The beers plus the intersect would be a major migraine. There must have been something about having that thing in his brain that took his drinking to an extreme. In college he could take 14 and be fine. Drunk, but not puking like he was now. Great, another bad thing about the Intersect.

Lying down on the pillow, he wished that Sarah were there to help him. Then again, he wouldn't be drunk if Sarah wasn't out with Bryce. The softness compared to the tile floor overwhelmed him, and soon Chuck was asleep.

--

He woke up twice, both times to throw up. Once at midnight, and once at two. Both times, Sarah wasn't back yet. This made Chuck even more miserable, making him fear that she was spending the night with Bryce. He really should trust her, he should. After all, Sarah trusted him completely. But he couldn't help his imagination from running away with him. He even woke up sweating, in a daze, after having a dream that things with them went too far. Chuck proceeded to throw up into the garbage can after that, and turn on the fan beside him. He went to bed shaking, hoping that his nightmares would not come true.

--

He woke up sweating and his breathing coming fast and ragged. Another nightmare of them together.

_He was watching them go at it. Things were really getting steamy between Bryce and Sarah, but there was nothing he could do but watch. It was like there was an invisible barrier between him and the two that wouldn't allow him to move at all. Not even look away, so that he had to endure this pain. The two completely ignored him, either not caring that he was there or not noticing._

_Just when Chuck was sure that he was invisible, Sarah got up from Bryce's lap, naked from the waist up. She walked over to him, and started explaining that all that they'd had was fake; a plan with her ex lover. And now that they were back together, she could stop pretending that their relationship was real._

"_Sarah, no please," he pleaded, grabbing her hand. "You can't mean that."_

_She laughed and shook his hand off, returning to Bryce. Chuck, now able to turn around, did so, tears streaking his face He didn't want to have to watch his friend and girlfriend go at it. When he didn't hear anything else besides silence, he slowly turned around, expecting the worst. And it was._

_Bryce was aiming a gun at her head, Sarah's face fearful. "Sometimes plans just don't work out," he was saying. Despite what she'd said to him seconds ago, Chuck ran to save the woman he loved. But it was too late. Bryce pulled the trigger. _

"_Sarah!" He yelled. _

"_I'm sorry, Chuck." It was Bryce, but Chuck no longer cared about the man behind him. He tried for a pulse, a heartbeat; anything to let him know that she was still alive, but all there was was blood and a bullet hole. _

_When she lay there unmoving, he lost it. Tears streaming down his face, he began shaking Sarah's lifeless body, calling out her name. He screamed in anguish, feeling as though without Sarah, there was no longer a reason to live._

That was when he woke up shivering, wondering if his pillow was wet from tears or sweat. It had all felt so real; he was sure it was real. He kept his eyes closed, thinking that this dream proved it; Sarah was leaving him. And he didn't want to have to wake up to a world like that, a world without her.

Damn, his head hurt. The pain hit him suddenly, and grew into such a migraine that he moaned. His head was pounding, and he struggled to sit up in bed. No, he couldn't, and dropped back down. The light…the light from the window was killing him. Never get drunk while being the Intersect, he told himself. Ever. The pain caused him to grab at his head and toss and turn, thinking that maybe this would help.

"Chuck. Chuck, calm down." He felt a hand wiping his forehead, going through the topmost curls on his head, and then back down again. Chuck shivered underneath her touch, knowing for sure that it was Sarah. He breathed her name out loud and slowly opened his eyes. She held a glass and two pills, to which he let her feed him. Instantly the pain receded. It was still there, but bearable, so he opened his eyes. Hers stared back at him in worry, waiting for an explanation.

He took her hand and fiddled with her fingers. "Y-you're here."

Sarah nodded, tracing circles on his palm with her fingers. She knelt down and captured his lips with hers, causing him to momentarily forget his worry. But he could tell…it was like she was holding something back. She kissed him, grabbing his lower lip before letting it go, then returning back. Chuck softly pulled her head towards him, deepening the kiss, when she pulled back, her eyes filled with something besides happiness to see him. She smiled, but Chuck had that same feeling that something was missing. That glow in her eyes wasn't there anymore. The realization that she was hiding something hit him like a hammer to the heart. His breath became shaky, and Sarah held him, trying to comfort him without words, like a mother did to a crying child.

They stayed in silence, Sarah stroking his head while he lay there with a broken heart. At least the headache was gone now. Finally he couldn't take it. "You-you're leaving, aren't you?"

She had been looking out through the window, and now Sarah's head snapped back to him. "What?"

"You're leaving me…for-for Bryce. Because you love him more."

"Chuck…" She cupped his face, and he closed his eyes, mentally prepared himself for her rejection. No, that was a lie. There was no way that he could prepare himself for it, he could only try and brace himself for the blow.

"…Of course not."

Chuck's eyes snapped open. "But…I thought, since…" His voice broke, and it took a few seconds for him to regain it back. "Last time he came you still loved him, and I thought…since you didn't come home last night."

She was clearly upset, and began running her hands through his hair. "Chuck, I love you more than anything else in the world. I would never leave you; I couldn't live with myself."

"Then…what's wrong? You're not being reassigned, are you?" His mind immediately became filled with thoughts of having to watch her board a plane, not looking back. "Please…I can't let you leave."

"Chuck, calm down." She shuffled backwards off of the bed, and went to the window to look out at the cars passing by. "When I was with Bryce…I realized that I don't love him. At all. And… it was like he was that last link to my old life as a spy, before when the line was clear between work and the rest of my life. Now that that link is gone, it…it scares me to think of how different things are now." She looked deep into his eyes and even from across the room, Chuck could see the fear. "Having that one link was like my safety line. I always to some extent had feelings for Bryce. For some reason, it was like in case we didn't work out, I had something to remind me that…I can't really explain it. But I would never, ever, leave you, Chuck. You have to know that."

Chuck climbed up from the bed. Well, he tried, but the headache came back. He staggered and fell, the brightness not helping the pounding in his head. Sarah came over to Chuck and sat down, putting her arms around him. He hugged her for all it was worth. "I love you, Sarah. I…Bryce always has betrayed me in one way or another. He never meant to, it just worked out that way. But I kept thinking that he would bring out those feelings in you again. You can't imagine how scared I was after he came back both times. I kept thinking I would lose you. I…I got carried away and drank too many beers."

"I saw. On the table." She helped pick him up and lead him towards the bed. Once there, she snuggled into his lanky body.

"Sarah, it's morning."

"And I've just worked my butt off all night. I'm getting some sleep. You should too. And no nightmares, mister."

Chuck wrapped his arms around her, creating a human pillow for her. Sarah shuffled so that she was more comfortable in his arms. "So, I guess in a way, it's good that Bryce came back?" he asked.

"Yes," she mumbled, and then reached her hand up to slap him on the shoulder. "But how could you think I would leave you?"

Chuck sighed. "I guess I was just used to it. Most girls preferred him; I was just the best friend that they would come to. Apparently Jill was like that, too. I was scared you would be like her."

He quickly realized his mistake before she could slap him again. "No, no, not that you're like Jill. I mean that I thought…I thought that maybe…I'll just shut up now. We'll talk later?"

"Mm-hmm."

Chuck kissed the top of her head and began stroking Sarah's hair, sighing contently. Despite himself, he couldn't think of how for once, he got the girl of his dreams. And not even Bryce could take her away from him.

--

I like reviews, a lot. Ooh and updates (of other stories). If you read this and like it, maybe you want to do one or the other?

_Someone _kept telling me to finish this story. Happy now, Natty? It was so hard to think of a last sentence, and you kept saying to bring Natty back I had to finish it. Oh, I mean "the cop". That's why I was rushing towards the end.


	9. Messages in the Sand

This one's for Natty... thanks for beta-ing and reminding me what the word meant

Sorry it's a little short

--

Chuck stared at the sunset as the waves rolled toward him. They tickled at his bare feet and then receded back into the foamy water. He found it comforting, the soft sound of the waves crashing against the surface. There was no one around him, as he'd picked a spot on the beach far away from all of the noise and people. In the distance, he saw a few people boogie boarding, and for a moment wondered what it would be like to be one of them. To no longer have the Intersect, to not have to constantly lie… to not have a special spot on the beach to go to when the weight of the world hit you full in the chest.

He'd only told her the truth. He'd only said those three words and hoped that maybe she could say them back. But she'd just stood there and cast her eyes downward toward the floor, trying to think of a way out of the situation. Why couldn't things be different? She should've been able to say those words back to him, instead of having to hide her emotions. And then she could fall into his arms and everything would be right.

But of course that didn't happen. He wasn't sure whether to be angry or sad. Sarah loved him, right? Why couldn't she admit that? It was hard for her, he knew that it was hard, but in that one moment where he was completely vulnerable, she took a knife and stabbed him in the heart. So he'd come to his special spot in the sand, took off his sandals, and started watching as the sun went down, feeling the sand between his toes.

Chuck sat with his knees up and rested his head on them so that he was no longer able to watch the sunset. He had one of those urges to cry, to let everything out, but at the same time he just couldn't let any tears escape. Tracing a hand into the sand, he made a heart, then brushed away the drawing and started over. This process continued as Chuck allowed himself to look back up at the colors spread out in the sky. He was lucky; he'd gotten to the beach right as the sunset was starting, so he still had the last third of the sun to watch.

He was in the middle of tracing another heart in the sand when he felt a hand over his, leading the strokes. He didn't need to look up to know that it was Sarah--he could tell her hand's difference from anyone else. Chuck stopped moving his finger along with her, but she led it to make one heart after the other. It seemed as though she didn't want to speak, so he didn't dare break the silence.

But then she took his finger and started to make lines in the sand, one after the other, as if writing something. When she was finished, Sarah looked up at him expectantly. Chuck looked down.

_I love you too_

He smiled slightly. Her words helped, but that didn't make the situation any better. She still had to hide her true feelings constantly, still had to fake their entire relationship. It wasn't fair to either of them. Starting to open his mouth, Sarah shook her head and guided his fingers along again in the sticky sand.

_Don't speak_

Chuck took control of his own fingers and began writing after her, but stopped and erased what he wrote. He stared into the sunset for a few seconds, his hand tingling where it was touching hers, before continuing below her writing.

_What does this mean for us?_

He looked up from the sand into her eyes, and it suddenly became hard to breathe as Chuck stared at the light reflecting off of her face. His hand itched, wanting to raise up and cup her cheek, but he resisted. Sarah's eyes were filled with fear, or confusion, or maybe something in between that he couldn't quite name. This time she removed her hand from atop his, leaving Chuck to feel the cold where her hand had been. Using her own finger, Sarah began tracing letters.

_I don't know_

Chuck sighed and tore his gaze away from the sand, away from her, towards the spot where the people had been boogie boarding. Now they were gone, leaving the two alone. Of course. She could give him something real, but it didn't mean that they could do anything about it. Sarah would completely refuse a relationship. He understood that it was in fear of getting reassigned, but he hated just sitting back and letting the Intersect control his life. When he looked back at the sand, there was another message.

_Hold me?_

As much as a part of him wanted to refuse--to say that it wasn't fair that she could call the shots between them, when if he asked for anything to show her feelings, he was rejected—but he couldn't and obliged, opening his arms to create room. Sarah snuggled into him, his hands encircling her tightly, his chin resting on her head. She kicked off her flip-flops, which led to Chuck playing with her feet. He could feel that…that butterfly fluttering feeling in his chest he felt whenever he was near Sarah. Chuck felt an extra burst of love every second that her feet casually played with his toes. Even after the sun had almost set completely, they still sat together, intertwined. Chuck ran his hands through her hair and she looked up at him, turning her body to the side so that she was aligned to the side of his shoulder.

He wasn't sure who initiated it, but Sarah's hands pulled his head closer as he leaned forward at nearly the same time. Their lips collided, his tongue sliding quickly over her lips, and suddenly everything else in the world disappeared. Chuck flipped her over, breaking away, and stared at the woman in his arms, mesmerized at how the smile on her face reached her eyes. She broke him out of it by reaching up and kissing him softly. He snuck his arm under her and pulled her close, only deepening the kiss, as she held his neck, pulling him to her.

When he broke away in the need of air, her eyes were still closed. Chuck gave her another peck and sat up, looking at how the moon was now reflecting off of the water. Sarah also sat up next to him, and he opened his hand between them, an invitation to which she gladly took. She scooted closer and rested her head against his shoulder, fighting the urge to fall asleep.

He took her hand and began making circles in the sand. Sarah, curious, looked at what he was doing. There were now various ovals around the question _What does this mean for us?_ Chuck started to write more.

_I can't keep doing this whole_

_I can't only have this once_

His face became flustered. Chuck stopped writing and crossed out everything. He thought for a moment before continuing.

_I love you too much for this to be a one time thing_

_Me too_

_So what do we do_

Sarah tore her gaze away from their messages to look at the full moon shining brightly at them. Even though it was dark out, and she usually felt uncomfortable in the night (despite her job), everything just felt right around Chuck, like he was her protector for once instead of the other way around.

Seeing that she wasn't answering, he began speaking, the words splitting the night's silence. "I just can't—I can't go on just pretending." He thought that she would answer with words, since it was hard to see now, and he had to shuffle around to get the right light to read the words, but instead she began to trace her long, soft, fingers once again in the sand.

_I know, I can't either. We'll figure this out later_

Chuck's answer was immediate. _Now_

_I'm not good at this type of thing_

_Me either, remember? But we can get through this_

_How do you know I won't be reassigned?_

_I won't let you be_

It was a silly thing to say. Of course he couldn't prevent her reassignment whatsoever, but Sarah still smiled up at him, moving her body so that she was lying down. Since he was holding her, he also moved with her, so that half of her was on top of Chuck, his sturdy arms wrapped rightly around her stomach. He began playing with her hair currently spread out on him and watching the stars shining above them. "I," she whispered. "I want to give it a try. For real."

He kissed the top of her forehead and intertwined their fingers, still sticky from the sand, not even trying to conceal the grin on his face. Taking his other hand, Chuck started to trace a message on her stomach. Sarah shivered from his touch, but she could clearly feel what he was trying to say.

_I (heart) u_

She looked up at him, Chuck's face upside down to her vision, and waited for another lingering kiss, to which he readily gave. The parts of her that were not touching the man beside her became cold with the sun's rays gone. He must have noticed her slight shiver, because he wrapped his arms around her bare ones even more tightly, moving them up and down her arms so that she would become warmer.

Separating their lips, Sarah took the chance to close her eyes while resting on his warm chest. He brushed her hair back repeatedly, thinking of how lucky he was to find a woman quite like Sarah. It wasn't long before both fell asleep, facing the ocean, as if waiting for the sunrise.

--

I love reviews ;-)


	10. White Wall

_OK, so here's a quick few things._

_1. I know it's been an eternity since I've updated. School started, and then things got hard... and then when I did have the time to write, I couldn't think of anything. Poor excuse, but it's all I have. (Sorry!)_

_2. Basically, if it weren't for Natty, I'd still be staring at one page with a blank look on my face. So a huge thanks to her for helping me and beta-ing._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck... or Twilight (mentions of the book and quotes used)_

_Rating: T_

_P.S. There's no real dialogue until midway through. I just thought I should mention that. _

* * *

There is nothing interesting about a white, tiled ceiling, nothing that would appeal to anyone to stare at for a long period of time. However, Sarah Walker found herself doing just that whenever she had the chance (and, of course, when Chuck was unavailable). It was her thinking spot, the area on the bed that so easily molded to her shape. Sarah would stare up from there, opening and closing her eyes, trying to figure out whether she liked the lighter shade of white or the overwhelming darkness. Usually, she would decide on the former, as it was much easier to space out when your eyes were open. And this time that she spent staring at her white, tiled ceiling was for her purpose only, and was no one else's.

This ceiling was her canvas, her thinking place. It was where she could contemplate her next move, think about the past, or, as she found herself doing more and more lately, daydream about what her life could be like. And most of the time, these daydreams centered around a curly haired, brown eyed, sweet talking nerd named Chuck Bartowski.

"_Lesson number one of being a spy: Never fall in love."_

This _had_ been one of the first things Sarah learned when becoming an agent. The most dangerous situation in the field was emotions taking over one's actions, which of course happened mostly when two people who shouldn't have fallen in love do. She'd experienced this feeling three times. First with Nicholas Moore, in senior year of high school—he was the first guy she met that she didn't feel like a piece of meat next to. Then during the agency, Sarah broke one of the most important rules. She fell in love with her partner, Bryce Larkin. And now Chuck.

It wasn't hard to admit that fact anymore. For a while, Sarah denied this. She was over falling for her partners (or, in this case, assets), done with having her heart broken in the agency. But as the days went by, it became harder and harder to deny the fact that every time she saw his eyes light up at the sight of her, it made her heart melt. And when she heard about the new Intersect being finished, only the thought of a date with Chuck could make her feel better. She was completely ready to admit her feelings for him when he flashed—of all times—and then the Beta Intersect blew up. The look on his face when she told him that he was still the only Intersect could have killed a puppy. Looking over his shoulder she could see a beautiful set up: roses, candles, a small table in the middle of the living room set up… one look told her how hard he must have worked on this.

He was persistent. Ever since that night, Chuck kept trying to get in, making remarks about how they should stop fighting their feelings. Sarah hated to admit it, but it was working. And just as she feared, her work was getting sloppy. One comment from Roan set her off, making it even more obvious that he was right. When Chuck jumped from that building to save her and it was obvious that he was fine, she still ran over and couldn't help but cup his cheeks and trace a line with her thumb along the base of his neck. The fact that he would deliberately risk his life in the hope that she would be saved made her breath hitch in her throat. It was just another reason that she loved him as much as she did. And that kiss… it was even better than the one at the docks because at that time she was bitter and confused, unsure of her feelings. This time, she was ready when he pulled her to him, crushing their bodies together with a stomach rolling, knee weakening kiss. The feeling of his warm tongue on hers as he held her face gently and her hand danced across his skin... If only Roan wasn't in the room, maybe it could have gone longer.

Suddenly snapping out of her dream world, she looked at the clock. 5:42. There was no planning, no missions tonight, which meant that Sarah was going to get into some comfortable clothes and lose herself in her thoughts just like she did in Chuck's brown hazel eyes. She stripped off her clothes—that stupid, revealing Orange Orange outfit, why did she still have it on? —and picked out a tank top and shorts. Sarah was walking to her bed when she passed her closet and couldn't help but reach her hand into the corner and trail her hand along a couple of shirts she'd stolen from Chuck. Often she chastised herself, she was in so deep that she resorted to snagging his clothes? But they smelled so much like him, she couldn't help it, and if she was ever caught, it could be blamed on the fact that he stayed over sometimes to keep up their cover and it was for that.

Oh yes, she was so in love. The thought brought on feelings ranging from anger at being compromised to giddiness at the fact that she was lucky enough to feel this emotion. And these moods could change in seconds when Sarah was alone (sometimes it was hard to control them in public, too). With one push of the button, she was now listening to Jaded by Aerosmith, the first song they realized that they both loved, and she suddenly smiled and let out a squeak of delight. Here, alone, was one of the only places where she could be herself. Her thinking spot would not judge her. Then again, neither would Chuck…

Wow, she was a freaking lovesick puppy, a part of Sarah told herself, and it was getting ridiculous. Staring longer than she needed to, taking any chance she could to touch him, giggling when all he did was smile… it was his smile that killed all attempts of pushing him away. It brightened up his entire face, and Sarah suspected that if she stared at it too long, she'd get disoriented. Thank God for CIA training, she knew that she had to protect him over giving into her emotions. Otherwise, she might have already jumped into his arms, exclaiming her love and planning their marriage.

For the first time, Sarah felt as though her spot on the wall was staring back at her, judging her. _You'd really want to marry him?_ it said accusingly. _You'd give up your entire life--the CIA--for _him?

It was a thought-provoking question, one that she could not answer. To think of marrying him now was just a childish though, a wish more than thinking it would actually happen. It would take a huge amount of perseverance, courage, and luck to be able to quit and have him free, out in the world. She wasn't normal, not like Jill was. After all, that was a big reason why the whole escapade happened, wasn't it? Sarah couldn't blame him—if their places were switched, she would've taken the safe road down too.

But, she reminded herself, Jill was Fulcrum. Fulcrum and captured. And hearing his speech as he locked Jill in the car, about how he made his decision when she was about to shoot her only sparked two reactions. One was the overwhelming feeling to run over and embrace him, but this was a mission, and Agent Sarah Walker chastised herself for not knowing that a gun had been trained on her.

But where did that put them now? The hand holding at the fountain was a sign—a sign that she hoped meant that he was ready to move ahead in the relationship. After months of him chasing after her, their roles magically switched, and now Sarah knew exactly how it felt to be hopeful, scared, rejected… over and over.

Her eyes slowly drooping, the last thing she remembered doing was thinking, I wonder what Chuck is doing right now and hearing a knock at the door that she was already too far out of that world to realize that it was in fact real.

***

Opening her eyes, Sarah immediately stretched, feeling refreshed. It was still daylight, though the sun was drooping closer towards the horizon, so she guessed that it was sometime in late afternoon. Slowly standing up, still half-asleep, she began making her way to the bathroom to freshen up. That was when she heard the knock. It was a bit forceful, which made her guess that it wasn't the first. Running a hand through her mussed up hair, it was clear that it was Chuck. Not only had she begun to recognize his knock, but who else would be coming randomly to her apartment? He was the only one to have that strange, yet pleasant, habit.

Although she probably looked like some kind of beast, Sarah felt comfortable enough to know that he wouldn't judge her. There was another series of knocks—clearly, he wasn't going to give up—by the time she got to the door and opened it, one hand rubbing her sleepy eye and then helping the other put her hair in a ponytail. "Hi Chuck," she couldn't help but smile sweetly.

He smiled back, but his eyes were curious and filled with worry. "Did I come at a bad time? I mean, I came by earlier but no one answered so I left a note. I just wanted to hang out or something—"

"Chuck, don't worry," Sarah replied in an amused tone, trying to keep him from babbling. "I just fell asleep. Come on in."

Walking in and looking around, as if somehow her apartment had changed since he'd last been there, Chuck raised his right hand, making it clear that he was wondering where to put the pizza and movies. Sarah pointed to a nearby table and watched as he set everything down.

"You always seem to bring food, don't you?"

"I've noticed that you like it," he replied nonchalantly. "Besides, I know for a fact that the term 'a way to a man's heart is through his stomach' doesn't only apply to men."

Ignoring the last remark, she moved onto his previous statement. He noticed that she liked food. He had known that she thought it was sweet for a man to come in and give her what she needed without her asking. And he noticed because he was Chuck.

Sarah looked up at her white, tiled ceiling and gave it a small prayer, playfully considering the fact that it was, well, a _wall_, and she wasn't big on religion. Chuck's eyes followed hers up, her not knowing until looking back down to meet his eyebrows dancing. "Found God, have you?"

She smacked him playfully. "The pizza…?"

"Vegetarian, no olives." The corner of his mouth began reaching higher and higher, gaining confidence. "Did you really think I would bring something else? Sarah Walker, I think you would physically hurt me if I brought something with olives."

Again she smacked him, this time a little harder.

"I guess you could do a lot worse, considering you're an agent. But seriously, I bring food _and_ movies and I still get hit. Am I really that horrible of a person?"

Sarah leaned in, her breath tickling him in such an intoxicating way that he had to hold his own breath, as to not do something irrational and ruin their good mood. "Chuck Bartowski, you are one of the farthest things from a horrible person."

Though it was just for the instant of her proximity, there was a sudden pain—nervousness but not an altogether unpleasant feeling—in his stomach. However, before he could do anything about it, she walked away, replaced by the general good feeling he got whenever he was around her. He was about to ask which movie she wanted to watch when he spotted the object on her desk. "You're kidding," he muttered.

"What?" she asked curiously, taking a bite from her pizza.

Chuck nudged his head at the book. "And here I was, thinking Sarah Walker could never get sucked into it."

Following his gaze, she raised her eyebrows, ready to defend herself if needed be. "Twilight? It's a good book."

Despite the frown, his eyes twinkled, making it clear that he was teasing. "All I hear about is Ellie talking Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. How perfect this Edward character is here and there and… I'd say she's about ready to replace Devon."

"And how does he handle that?"

Hand rising quickly to cover his eyes, he blushed slightly. "He was kind of amused. Said that if she wanted a vampire, she would get one. Then he kind of dragged her off…"

She couldn't help it; she giggled. "You're living with your engaged sister, what do you think they do in their spare time?"

His face turning scarlet, he replied, "Well, they could keep it to themselves."

"As long as you're living there, it's what you have to deal with." There was a pause in their conversation, before she added, "We'll um… have to talk about that later. So tell me exactly, what do you have against Edward?"

"He's just so _perfect_, I hear. Now every woman who reads it expects some perfect man to waltz up, just like this Eddie guy—"

"Oh, you did NOT just call him Eddie."

"—and sweep them off their feet."

After contemplating what he said, Sarah's lips turned upward in a half-smile, shy but flirtatious. "Not everyone."

Chuck didn't know whether to gulp, smile, or push her up against the wall and kiss her with as much passion as he could manage, just for that sexy stare. Instead, he managed a weak, "Shall we watch a movie?"

Nodding, Sarah walked over to her bed and sat down against the headboard, patting the spot beside her. She wasn't quite sure what this Charlie Bartlett movie was about, but trusted Chuck's judgment. And although it was a pretty witty and entertaining movie, it was hard to pay attention with her brain screaming at her.

_Where were those sudden outbursts coming from?_ Sarah's agent side immediately attacked at the first open opportunity. _WHAT,_ _pray tell, were you thinking? You're going to compromise your cover and get yourself into a huge mess. I won't allow you to screw up your career_. _First rule,_ remember_? Never. Fall. In. Love._

These thoughts were driven out—even Agent Walker couldn't handle the Bartowski charm—when Chuck wrapped his right arm around her. Unable to do anything but relax into his comforting touch, Sarah felt herself drifting off to sleep again, and this time as she collapsed, it was into the arms of a one Chuck Bartowski.

***

No matter how many times he told himself he loved to watch her sleep, Chuck was never really able to appreciate it unless the event was occurring. And staring down at the blond hair cascading down his and her shoulders, her breath slow and even, he was definitely appreciating it now. The only thing he could complain about—and even that was nothing—was the fact that the ending credits were rolling, and Chuck had no way of turning off the television without waking the beauty in his arms awake. His eyes scanned the shelf beside her bed. Cell phone, alarm clock—cleverly placed so that she could manually turn it off without another knife incident—Twilight, and… there! A remote. He clicked the buttons, and the room was cascaded into darkness.

_Uh…. _Groping around, he finally found the lamp switch and turned it on, quickly making sure that it didn't wake up the light sleeper. He sighed. So what now? He couldn't move, but it didn't look like Sarah was planning on waking up anytime soon. Plus, he really didn't mind watching her. He eyed the book on the table. Was it worth it? It wasn't like he was getting sucked in, just, there was nothing else to do. And he for sure wasn't going to read it straight through it. No, Chuck decided. He would pick up this so-called Twilight and flip to a random page.

***

He was about fifty pages into the book when he heard her stir and immediately lowered the book below his side of the bed. It was a good read but obviously meant to please the female mind and he was not about to get caught with that. Looking over, it appeared that she was still sleeping, but her body was convulsing, a pained expression on her face. Chuck was still debating what to do when her thrashing caused her nails to accidentally scratch across his cheek. He couldn't help it.

"Jesus, Sarah! You've got the nails of a freaking lion!"

She instantly awoke, her eyes flying open in fear. Realizing their predicament, she muttered a, "Sorry" and closed her eyes against him, taking a deep breath. Then she said something so softly, had he not understood it, Chuck almost wouldn't have known it was real.

"'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.'"

Instead of debating whether or not to respond, he let it slip. "'What a stupid lamb.'"

Sarah stopped and peered at him, wide eyed. He raised the book, along with his eyebrow, as an explanation. Thoughts of her dream flew out the window and she looked at him in absolute adoration before delivering the next line. "'What a sick, masochistic lion.'"

"I don't think the lion is sick or masochistic at all," he said softly. She grinned at him and he smiled back. The smile turned into a stare, and all sense of time crept away. They stared longingly, and it was no surprise when they both began to slowly lean forward. It became too long for Sarah, as she closed her eyes and she collided her lips with his.

His reaction was as instant as the jolt of electricity he felt, and he dropped the book while flipping over in a crouch so that his weight did not rest on her. Hands met bodies and tongue met tongue; Sarah's fury met Chuck's patience and their kissing took a turn for slowness, passion, taking the time to study the other's reactions. Sarah became putty in his hands when lips ravished neck, and Chuck would instantly melt at the moment her fingers glided through his hair. These facts were put aside for later use—for surely this must happen again or it was defying fate—but at the moment, both were almost too busy to even acknowledge those facts. When Sarah's thumbs brushed against his arms and sent them crashing down, their breaths hitched as his full body weight rested on hers. It was as if releasing a lion from its cage and immediately hands became furious, and breaths became rough and uneven. Sighs became moans, they'd never felt things quite like this, and it looked as if there was no ending in sight but when Sarah's hands flicked off the top button of Chuck's shirt, he suddenly stopped but not yet removing his mouth from hers. He smiled into the kiss and began to rise, brushing her soft lips with his own one more time.

The two separated, giving each other shy smiles. When breathing patterns finally returned to normal speed, Chuck rose into a sitting position (and unceremoniously hit his head against the headboard in the process), quickly followed by Sarah. By now it was dark outside, and the clock read 10:37.

"Should I…?" he asked, nodding his head toward the door with a guilty look on his face.

"Nuh-uh, you're staying here tonight."

"Clothes?"

"Closet."

His eyebrows rose with a smile but he was silent as he rose to go change, leaving Sarah alone in her bed. Her eyes drifted up, and her white ceiling stared back. _Oh please, _she thought, having the need to defend herself against her other personality. _You would've done the same thing._

It was true. There was no part of Sarah left that could keep herself away from Chuck. What was it about him that snuck under people's skin and stuck there? The deep brown eyes that could so easily hold her gaze? The aura of sweet innocence (or, seeming innocence) that surrounded him? Or maybe it was his persistence and charming smile… but no, it was everything. Everything that Chuck Bartowski did seemed to be the right thing, and he always seemed to fix the petty mistakes or apologize for anything that could have hurt her feelings. She'd never really had someone like that. He really was a little lamb, and she was the lion sent to protect him.

Still caught up in her dreaming, Sarah didn't notice Chuck's approach until he wrapped his arm around her and allowed her to close in, sticking a leg between his to intertwine them as much as possible. She snuggled in, muttering a quick thank you to her wall, her alter ego, and relaxed into his touch.

* * *

As a late Christmas present, I could go for a review ;)

For the quote, it's probably better if you had read Twilight, so sorry if you didn't. I didn't have anyone who hadn't read it's opinion before posting.


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